Bear Herpes

I am home now. That is where I am. I had a successful flight home, the success is in that I am alive and this is not New Scranton. However there were failures abound as well, as I missed my initial flight and wound up spending like 10 fucking hours in the airport waiting to get on another flight. Not the most fun thing in the world to do. It's up there, but not the most, certainly.

You ever see them slogan shirts the kids today are wearing by the barrelfull? Like those slogan shirts that have nothing but an immensely witty piece of text in some sort of brazen font, something along the lines of "No You Shut Up", "Your Mom Whom I've Never Met Is A Bad Person Due To My Dislike Of Your Superficial Charecteristics", "I Don't Have An Attitude Problem... You're Ugly!!", etc. Sometimes there's a Looney Tunes charecter on them, with hip-hop themed clothing on them, despite the fact that such charecters wear no clothes, have no inclination of hip-hop, aren't associated otherwise with pissy-yet-meaningless diatribes taken from day calendars or crossing their arms, and have never had anything to do with Nascar. Usually they're off some website who only sells plain t-shirts with some stupid phrase from a movie that everyone secretly hates but can't admit to their friends for $25 when shouting the phrase aloud not only costs less, will make you look like a bigger dick, and you're already doing it. Why do people buy these fucking things? They can at the MOST be funny for the period of time it takes your eyes to move from one end of the phrase to the other, after that all you can think about is how this is just a god damn shirt with stupid letters in the way. Do they make you seem more clever, perhaps? A little nugget of witticism that can be falsely attributed to you because you had the foresight to click the "Check-Out" button on http://www.assholeshirts4less&sum4more.com? No, it must be a healthy distraction, a way to divert eyes and attention from your poor social skills, engorged ego and iPod unadorned with covers of mutliple colors. Or maybe you think it's funny and think everyone else will too. They're popular enough, it stands to reason that some people still find the "Your Mom Goes To College" line to have any semblance of humor or tact. People like to make a statement, but they also like to make sure that statement is made by someone else, pre-approved by his peers, and cost shipping and handling at the expense of Vietnamese child workers. Some guy types "Work = Dumb; Lesbians = :})" into Photoshop in 72 font, suddenly puke-stained jock-straps line up by the hundreds to jerk-off their pride in stock clothing and mongoloid attitudes. Bah.

I only bring it up cuz sometimes I see these shirts and attribute their message to myself, as though the person was speaking this line directly to me, asking me to vote for Pedro or some shit. This guy at the airport during my shitty day was walking around in a shirt that said "Who cares? It's Friday!" To others, the shirt may have represented a carefree attitude toward life, a happy-go-lucky moment of solidarity in which people learn to relax, enjoy life and become better people. To me, it was an uninvited bout of sarcastic mockery, pissing on my personal space by rubbing into my tits the fact that I would be stuck in this hell-hole for another forever. Fuck you for wearing that shirt. "i is in kolledge" pissed me off less. See, these shirts basically act as a device to let you go around and say the same thing to everyone you will see throughout the course of the day. Some people might care that you are able to successfully recount a line from a movie endlessly for a 24 hour period, others like myself will take this as a personal offense and hate you without even knowing you. Damn you all to hell.

And perhaps I get too worked up over these dumb little shirts. Who really cares if some bent dick buys a $30 plain white shirt that has a pun on it? I just seem to see these phrase shirts as someone trying to talk to me, and I really, really, don't want to listen.