Wednesday, July 02, 2008

Avid Avoidance Of Every Event

For the first month of summer, I was unemployed and now I am broke. In that time, I applied for many jobs and tried to pick up hours at the gas station and the golf course. I also took on more amino acid study business. Eventually I got a job at [a local bagel and coffee-ed drink distributor], but continued to have obligations to these other places. After being unemployed for a bit, I am now, how do you say, hyper-employed. I am such an employee, it is amazing. It'll be like, hey, Jack, what are you these days? and I'll be all, I am employed, that is what I am and who I am. Its great! I get to be employed right in front of people, every day! Often for several hours at a time! What a prospect. Oh shall the joyous days never cease.

I intended to complain about my very busy schedule lately, but I've been doing a lot of that in real life and am sure most people are tired of it. So I'll try to get it out quickly so that you can become informed of my plight but still have time in your busy day for Yahtzee or Backgammon:

gottafuckinggetupatgoddamn530inthemorningsincewhenisthatevenafuckingtimemyalarmdoesn'tevenplayaradiostationcuzitstoodamnearlyanditsnotontheairmygodthestaticofthestationisjustametaphorformysituationlikesomesymbolismmoviebullshitbullshitbullshitaaaaghmymindeverydayislikeabowlofcreamedcorni'veonlygottenlike4hoursofsleepeverynightcuzsomejerkwadwantsstupiddumbbagelsidon'tevengetanyfreebagelsfromthisfuckingplaceandi'mmakingonepissstainawayfromminimumwageitssortoflikewhenyourauntgivesyoulikeadollarforyourbirthdayitslike"ohthanksauntiecrackfuckforthemeaninglessgesturemaybeicanbuyablowpopandinvesttherestinmyfutureatMcDonaldscollege"thenihadtooballsuckingworkatthegasstationafterwardswhichisafuckinhourandahalfawayandihavetotakethebusiworkedfrom6inthemorningatbuttbagelsthenhoppedabustoclockinhoursatthegasstationafuckingcityawaygethomeatbloodfuckingmidnightcountthosehourshowmanyaretheretoofuckingmanygoddammitiamworkingonnosleepheeirightnowaminthemidstofa21dayperiodwithoutasingledayoffblahblahblahneedcoffeeandnapsshitjobspayexactlydicktooitslikeigottaworkalltheseshitballhoursjusttomakeituptonormalineverwanttoworktheseshitjobseveragaingoddammiti'mgonnagraduatesoonggetabetterjobandpissonallyoufuckerswithmycollegegraduateurineofpoweranddestructionhahahahahahahahahahahahahahaineedsleep

Okay, that'll do. All in all, I have no right to complain: Work sucks, that is a given. There are people in far worse situations than mine. Trust me, just as I feel I deserve to spout my bullshit about how shitty life is, so do everyone else. Everyone likes to play the "My Life Sucks More Than Yours" game, trying to one up one another during periods of high stress. Its one of the few joys that one can get out of being so busy and putting up with so much shit. If you can hang out with people and lament your shitty life in a convincing yet sympathetic manner, it doesn't quite make it worth it, but it is a pretty decent consolation prize. Unless someone wants to give me a toaster oven for it, that'll have to do.

Anyway, life really ain't as bad as all that right now. I've had a shitty week or two, but things are starting to slow down a bit, and I'm finally making some money. The reason I'm not getting much sleep is because I'm having fun doing summery things. I saw Wall-E last night; everyone should go see that movie. Speaking as a Pixar fan, it is without a doubt the best film they've made so far. I am going to Chicago soon to hang out with my friend who is about to move to France. I just released a CD of rap beats, some of which can be listened to here. I am a Pisces. I enjoy long walks on the sun and reminiscing about television. Please call me for massage and full release. No substitutions.

I am about to start a blog for the Wake, a paper and web site at the University of Minnesota. It'll be about local arts and entertainment in the Twin Cities, and will feature my brand of SNARK, WHIMSY, RIBALDRY, PISSANTISM, IRONICISTICALS, SARCASMATION, and TESTICLES. You can read it even if you don't live where I live, it is on the internet! This means you, Australia! You are so far away, and serve as a fabulous example of INTERNETS's ability to walk long distances! I will use too many exclamation points in my posts at that blog so you know I am serious. Since this will be a professional blog, I will post YouTube videos and draw googly eyes on Paris Hilton, also many dancing animated gifs will be there. I will keep this blog up for those of you who want behind-the-scenes-straight-dope-you-CAN't-see-in-my-other-blog-oh-shit! I am talking aloud, how am I mistaken for the silent? Run with it!

Signed, Jack

PS: whaat is this
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