The Episode Entitled "TV Personality Martha Stewart" Features TV Personality Martha Stewart
I suddenly got a strange urge to pick up a 3/4 full bottle of whiskey and chuck it at a brick wall. I don't know where this bizarre desire came from; maybe from the brick wall and 3/4 full bottle of whiskey I've been staring at. For some reason I feel this bottle must be thrown into this wall. I don't know if it stems from animosity towards the wall or the bottle, or maybe it isn't animosity at all. Maybe I just really want to see the image of the glass shattering and the sweet brown nectar slwoly dripping to the base of the floor. Then I get the urge to strip naked and rub up against the brick wall, letting the whiskey spill all over my tender areas and down my waiting tongue. That urge surprised me a little.
Trust me, I am not an alcoholic, but if I were, I'd be one of the fun kind. The kind that pours scotch in his Wheaties and is always yelling "Party" at the TV, not the kind that my nephews are warned to stay away from and whose pubic hairs have prematurely become infested with termites.
Sometimes I get silly little urges like this, and depending on their sillyness I may or may not fulfill them. I don't think I'll fulfill this one, because it isn't my whiskey, and people are still asleep. The day isn't over, though; we'll see how I feel about it come 8 PM.
Trust me, I am not an alcoholic, but if I were, I'd be one of the fun kind. The kind that pours scotch in his Wheaties and is always yelling "Party" at the TV, not the kind that my nephews are warned to stay away from and whose pubic hairs have prematurely become infested with termites.
Sometimes I get silly little urges like this, and depending on their sillyness I may or may not fulfill them. I don't think I'll fulfill this one, because it isn't my whiskey, and people are still asleep. The day isn't over, though; we'll see how I feel about it come 8 PM.
posted by MC Harv at 11:29 AM
5 Comments:
you said you got the urge... please tell me you didn't act on it.
but, if you did, I'm happy to help with the lick-up.
Sex, you're always about the lick-up.
Whiskey is too valuable to smash, that's what light-bulbs are for.
-Thomas
What would I lick if I broke light bulbs?
Nothing. Nothing is the answer.
Probably best not to throw the bottle, because you might need it later on. You never know....
Yeah, my wanton desires did not dictate my actions, thankfully, as it, in retrospect, seems foolhardy and silly. Instead I climbed a tree and threw acorns at squirrels.
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