The Abundance Of Pissy Good Humor Men Is So Great That It Ceases To Be Ironic

Well, here it is. My last day of school for the year. Much like freshman year of highschool, it's an accomplishment akin to saying "Yay! I ate cereal this morning!" But nary be I excited for the prospect of my own accomplishment; nay, I am excited for the pure and simple fact that I am done with school for a sizable chunk of time. Summer vacation beckons me, can you hear it? It's right there, behind suicide and buying a new configuration of an existing candy bar. But this beckoning I will succumb to, because it involves the not doing of things instead of the doing of things. A lack is what I need right now, and thankfully a lack is what I shall recieve. I just spent three hours packing and hauling boxes to my new apartment. Yeah, I'm getting an apartment. Yeah, that's right. Fudge all over the dorms, these gray drab hamster cages can house the next generation of Mr. Stinky's; I'm now like a dog who ran free and got picked up by the pound but then got bought by a rich and kindly old couple who lived atop the greenest field you'd ever cast your doggy eyes upon. If that made any sense, I'd posit it as an exaggeration, but since I'm lost in the woods of my own thoughts, I think I'll rub these two sticks together and see if I can't make a fire. Was that a metaphor, or just a bizarre little run on sentence? I don't know anymore, I'm too tired and done-feeling to care.

Anyway, I do have an apartment for next year. With a pool table. In true "guy" formation, it can become a dinner table with a few simple adjustments:

1. Put a sheet of plywood over the top.
2. Put plates of food onto the plywood.
3. Eat from these plates.
4. You have now successfully used a pool table as a dinner table. Give yourself a congragulatory pat on the back (optional).

And I have my own room. No more interesting masturbation stories for you now, as there are no potential roommates, window washers or men of the cloth bursting in on my bursting. Maybe I'll make some up for you. You all seem to enjoy those.

Does anybody even read this anymore? I feel like you all gave up. Just because I did doesn't give you any right.

When you go outside tomorrow, turn left. Walk in a straight line for two blocks and then turn right. Something interesting will happen.