Bagel Bargaining
Oh man. I totally just quit my job. Two hours ago I was working at my job, and now I have quit my job. I don't have to work at that job now. Oh man. This is exciting. I'm excited, and this is exciting. I feel really good. This is great, like a high. I should just apply to a bunch of jobs so i can quit them right away and continue feeling like this all the time, cuz, man. Wow. If they could make a pill or some sort of leaf that could make you feel like you had just quit your job moments ago, I would be on that shit all the time. "Unemployatan", they could call it, or even something better than that. I don't care. Because I just quit my job. The telephone is really an amazing little device, as it has the unique ability to be used for calling someone, then telling them that you are quitting working for them. I like the telephone, I used it to quit my job. I also like the fact that I just quit my job. Oh man.
Well, I another job at a competing bagel place, so I didn't exactly quit working; I merely traded my current job for a better job. No more waking up at 4:30 AM to work for a measly 3 hours for a scrawny amount of money. Instead, I'm doing essentially the exact same thing I was doing, but with more convenient hours, no weekends, better pay and free meal options. Oh shit. I was planning on working at Bagel Place A (names changed to protect, um, I dunno) and picking up one or two shifts at Bagel Place B when I could, but when I went in today to talk to the boss at B, he offered me a better deal and I had to take it. I had no idea that job negotiation stuff like that took place at this level of employment, I thought you had to be some big shit Wall Street dink or work at a place that lets you sit down. Anybody can do my job, it's not terribly difficult. "Jack, you are such a natural talent at taking a bagel, cutting it open and then putting things on the bagel, that we just can't afford to lose you. Let's talk stock options." Uh, sure. So now I'm working less hours for the same amount of money, I get weekends free and I don't have take dumps all over myself worrying about the 2 hours of sleep I get every week. Oh man.
So, things are going swimmingly. I am relieved about the future, now that I have rearranged my situation. I was starting to feel burnt out with my schedule this semester, and it has only been the first week. That's usually a bad sign. Now I am happy, having quit my job. It won't even feel like it: I go straight to the new job from the old job with no breaks, but still. The act of quitting felt so good that it doesn't even matter that I still have a job. I smell terrible right now. Don't smell me.
Well, I another job at a competing bagel place, so I didn't exactly quit working; I merely traded my current job for a better job. No more waking up at 4:30 AM to work for a measly 3 hours for a scrawny amount of money. Instead, I'm doing essentially the exact same thing I was doing, but with more convenient hours, no weekends, better pay and free meal options. Oh shit. I was planning on working at Bagel Place A (names changed to protect, um, I dunno) and picking up one or two shifts at Bagel Place B when I could, but when I went in today to talk to the boss at B, he offered me a better deal and I had to take it. I had no idea that job negotiation stuff like that took place at this level of employment, I thought you had to be some big shit Wall Street dink or work at a place that lets you sit down. Anybody can do my job, it's not terribly difficult. "Jack, you are such a natural talent at taking a bagel, cutting it open and then putting things on the bagel, that we just can't afford to lose you. Let's talk stock options." Uh, sure. So now I'm working less hours for the same amount of money, I get weekends free and I don't have take dumps all over myself worrying about the 2 hours of sleep I get every week. Oh man.
So, things are going swimmingly. I am relieved about the future, now that I have rearranged my situation. I was starting to feel burnt out with my schedule this semester, and it has only been the first week. That's usually a bad sign. Now I am happy, having quit my job. It won't even feel like it: I go straight to the new job from the old job with no breaks, but still. The act of quitting felt so good that it doesn't even matter that I still have a job. I smell terrible right now. Don't smell me.
posted by MC Harv at 12:48 PM
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