Now All I Need Is Dog Semen And I'm Set
New day, new quarter! Glory be! I didn't even need to set an alarm, my class is so late in the day. The past two quarters I did the whole morning classes Monday through Friday thing; this quarter I'm going no morning classes and no Friday classes! Let's see if this drastic change in routine effects my life for better or worse. Yeah, I haven't even had my first class yet. Yet somehow I get the sense this quarter is going to be different. Why, you ask?
I was caught masturbating.
By a window washer.
Yeah, that's right. First thing on the first day of my final quarter for the year is practically lifted from an American Pie movie. This may be symbolic of my quarter being exciting and jam-packed full of stories I'll remember forever and tell at boring cocktail parties. Here's hoping. Turning over to see a Mexican guy hanging outside your window staring at you as you go about your day's business embaressed me slightly, but mainly just made me laugh at the ridiculousness of it. Did that actually happen? I thought only big shot Hollywood producers come up with formulaic juvenile shit like that. Apparantly it really happens from time to time, and not just to Ashton Kutcher.
So, with luck, this will be one hell of an interesting quarter, if this event is indication of anything. I'll keep you posted if I accidentally shampoo with another man's sperm or eat a sandwich with dog shit in it or something.
I was caught masturbating.
By a window washer.
Yeah, that's right. First thing on the first day of my final quarter for the year is practically lifted from an American Pie movie. This may be symbolic of my quarter being exciting and jam-packed full of stories I'll remember forever and tell at boring cocktail parties. Here's hoping. Turning over to see a Mexican guy hanging outside your window staring at you as you go about your day's business embaressed me slightly, but mainly just made me laugh at the ridiculousness of it. Did that actually happen? I thought only big shot Hollywood producers come up with formulaic juvenile shit like that. Apparantly it really happens from time to time, and not just to Ashton Kutcher.
So, with luck, this will be one hell of an interesting quarter, if this event is indication of anything. I'll keep you posted if I accidentally shampoo with another man's sperm or eat a sandwich with dog shit in it or something.
posted by MC Harv at 1:50 PM
11 Comments:
Well, at least you can laugh at yourself about it, eh?
Amen.
what would the new quarter be without a masturbation story to start things off right?
God, you guys really do it a lot, don't you? Why do I keep getting amazed by it?
Yeah, yeah we do. I thought about cutting back, and then I thought: Why?
Ha! That's where you've been. Good to see nothing's changed while you were gone.
Did he finish cleaning the window?
I bet the window washer wasn't even phased, in fact I bet he thought to himself, damn I wish I was doing that right now...
And did you have to clean the window from the inside?
Me? Clean?
oh, of course, what was I thinking...
Jack is the picture of cleanliness, just his surrounding space is not.
-Thomas
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