Little In Hands Thing

Say, remember all that stuff I said about my week being made? I lied. This week is shit. Boo on this week. I had a great day, I suppose, but it takes quite a bit to make a full week, and apparently Monday just didn't cut it, because yesterday, today and the rest of the projected week appears as though it is going to be one giant fist up my ass. And next week doesn't look much better. But I'm reminding myself that after these shit weeks, I get to go on break. However, one thing that bugs me a bit about this break is it's a little over a week long. So, if these next two weeks go by quickly as I hope they do, that means there's a good chance that week will go by quickly as well.

I feel like too much of my life is wishing chunks of time will go away. I say to myself "I wish it were 3 weeks from now...". Then once I hit that point that I wish I was at, I enjoy it then move on to wishing another sizable chunk of time were gone. When I'm old I know I'll look back and wish I could relive all this time, but as of now I'm wishing it all to go to hell. It's kind of annoying, because I'm young,; verile; full of pip and vinegar; a young man in the prime of his life. And most of this time is spent wishing I had less time in my life. If these are the best years of my life, I'm treating it like it was a pretty good couple of weeks.

I need something interesting to happen to me. I need to have the time that normally would be twiddled away be just as fun and exciting and worth being alive as the times I enjoy. Every full-fledged adult I come across feels the need to let me know that college is the "most fun I'll have in my life" and then proceed to silently reminisce on their own college years. What am I missing out on? These times aren't so great. What is it that made them the best times for everyone? Drugs? Eh, they're ok. Not a huge fan. They get quite boring quite fast. For me they're pretty much something to do when there is nothing else, and I couldn't really see basing my life on them. Sex? I'm having considerably less sex here than I was in high school. I'm not really in the position nor mood for sexual conquest, and also see that as a somewhat fleeting and feeble reason to call these the best years of your life. Meeting new people? I hate people. I've met people, and I've not liked them. People suck. All that meeting new people does is further to prove this fact to me. Independence? Independence is another way of saying "You have to pay for shit yourself". I've seen little to no difference from living on my own than with my parents, other than the fact that meals here suck and I have no one to care when I don't do my homework. What then? Am I missing out on some crucial purpose to college that makes it so great? Is it me? Is it my college? Is it the times? Is everyone else having more fun than I am and I just don't realize it? Or does life just truly suck at all times and everyone just thinks these were the best years of their life? Yeah, times probably are better now than they will be later, but they're not fabulous now, which only gives me a bleek glimpse into my sulking, impotent adult life.

Nothing in college is like the movies from what I've seen. There's not a big frat scene here (thank god) which may account for the lack of stereotypical college rambunctiousness. I've gone to parties, which have been pretty much consistently lame. I've met people, who are mostly either jackasses or in the same boring predicament as me. Life is still just as blah as it's always been; more so even. It is winter, which probably explains much of my negative and hermetic attitude. I often get like this in winter. I also get like this when I have shit to do. Hey, it's both winter and I have shit to do! This might be the key to the whole thought process my pissy little mind is going through. Any people who have grown up already and been through the college years care to explain to me exactly what it was that made them so fucking special? I'll need full explanations, complete with back-up evidence and pertinence to a modern context please, because I'm one to think everyone is full of shit upon first glance. If it turns out it is sex or drugs, please go into deeper detail as to why the sex and drugs you had then are better than the sex and drugs you've had any other time. And if it turns out it's because of "higher learning", please shut up and go bury your head in the sand. I don't need that bullshit; I certainly have learned next to nothing this past year. Someone please help me out: Is it just me, or does life suck for everyone all the time? How can I improve? How can I look back and legitimately say that these years were the best years of my life? I feel like I'm wasting so much time and energy and horniness that could be spent on something better. I'm in a "There's got to be more to life than this" mode; if there is, let me know; if there isn't, also let me know, so I can give up now and stop pretending like playing Sega and beating off is not the greatest happiness potential I will ever have.