Just Put Quotes Around It
Hollywood sucks.
Now that that vividly original opinion has been sat in your ever-so-sensuous lap, I will say this: Really, it does. There are no original ideas left. Every fucking movie that comes out is a remake or a sequel or a prequel or from a book or from a TV show or a spinoff from some other movie or a series or franchise. Now, obviously there are some movies that have come out recently that I've enjoyed and do not fit tidily into the neat little generalizing categories I've set out. But that takes away from my argument, and if I have to include things that go against what prove my point, this will dwindle into some PC non-partisan both-sides-of-the-argument bullshit that no one wants to read. Now, obviously it's a generalization to say no one wants to read it, but to keep myself from spiraling further into this chaotic twist of logic and run-on sentences, I'll just continue on with my point. In fact, to prove my point here is a list of upcoming debacles sure to inspire a cringe in even the most jaded cynic:
- Where's Waldo: The Movie (Find him in theatres this fall)
- Tim Allen's Another God Damned Christmas Movie Where I Play The Guy From Home Improvement Again
- SNL's We Haven't Learned Our Lesson Yet
- Star Wars VII: Attack Of, Like, The, I Dunno, Aliens Or Something
- Big Tough Badass Ironically Looks After Little Kids
- Ashton Kutcher's How Many Romantic Comedies Can I Squeeze Into A Year?
- Jimmy Fallon's Won't Someone Please Think I'm Funny?
- We Fucked It Up (based on the popular book series)
- Superheroes Are Certainly In Right Now; Let's Just Do One About A Superhero
- This Movie Is So Fucking Indie; Buy The Poster To Prove You Like Indie Movies
- 2 Wong Fu: Still Draggin' On
- Casablanca starring Vin Diesel and Brittany Murphy
- Whatever Book Is The #1 Bestseller Right Now
- Some Dumbass Sports Movie starring Some Dumbass Comedian
- Rear Window: The Beginning
- Ben Stiller's Neurotic Guy Gets Into Awkward And Comedic Situations
- Lil' Jon's I Wanna Make A Movie, (Computerized Hand Clap, Computerized Hand Clap), Yeah
- Even Goner With The Wind
Why would I bother to make up fake movies to make fun of when these clearly real and clearly existant movies are bad enough? Ugh. Poo-poo on you-hoo.
Now that that vividly original opinion has been sat in your ever-so-sensuous lap, I will say this: Really, it does. There are no original ideas left. Every fucking movie that comes out is a remake or a sequel or a prequel or from a book or from a TV show or a spinoff from some other movie or a series or franchise. Now, obviously there are some movies that have come out recently that I've enjoyed and do not fit tidily into the neat little generalizing categories I've set out. But that takes away from my argument, and if I have to include things that go against what prove my point, this will dwindle into some PC non-partisan both-sides-of-the-argument bullshit that no one wants to read. Now, obviously it's a generalization to say no one wants to read it, but to keep myself from spiraling further into this chaotic twist of logic and run-on sentences, I'll just continue on with my point. In fact, to prove my point here is a list of upcoming debacles sure to inspire a cringe in even the most jaded cynic:
- Where's Waldo: The Movie (Find him in theatres this fall)
- Tim Allen's Another God Damned Christmas Movie Where I Play The Guy From Home Improvement Again
- SNL's We Haven't Learned Our Lesson Yet
- Star Wars VII: Attack Of, Like, The, I Dunno, Aliens Or Something
- Big Tough Badass Ironically Looks After Little Kids
- Ashton Kutcher's How Many Romantic Comedies Can I Squeeze Into A Year?
- Jimmy Fallon's Won't Someone Please Think I'm Funny?
- We Fucked It Up (based on the popular book series)
- Superheroes Are Certainly In Right Now; Let's Just Do One About A Superhero
- This Movie Is So Fucking Indie; Buy The Poster To Prove You Like Indie Movies
- 2 Wong Fu: Still Draggin' On
- Casablanca starring Vin Diesel and Brittany Murphy
- Whatever Book Is The #1 Bestseller Right Now
- Some Dumbass Sports Movie starring Some Dumbass Comedian
- Rear Window: The Beginning
- Ben Stiller's Neurotic Guy Gets Into Awkward And Comedic Situations
- Lil' Jon's I Wanna Make A Movie, (Computerized Hand Clap, Computerized Hand Clap), Yeah
- Even Goner With The Wind
Why would I bother to make up fake movies to make fun of when these clearly real and clearly existant movies are bad enough? Ugh. Poo-poo on you-hoo.
posted by MC Harv at 12:37 AM
14 Comments:
Yea Jack!
Yeah, Hollywood definately sucks. That's why I stick with the real indie films and foreign films. Hollywood is all about explosions and like you said, remakes. We've seen the explosions a million times and I don't think we give a fuck about something that was already made. If it was that good, I'll just watch the original.
Jack you're brilliant. The shit out of your mouth just speaks of utter brilliance brooding behind the scenes.
you should try being cynical.
oh and the sentence should read: Now that that vividly original opinion has been SEATED in your ever-so-sensuous lap
but i love the movie ideas. when is your meeting with spielberg?
"oh and the sentence should read: Now that that vividly original opinion has been SEATED in your ever-so-sensuous lap"
Aha, you're one of THOSE people, huh? Join the club; I got more people telling me how poor my grammer is than attended the Pope's funeral.
The Pacifier, also known as "Mr. Nanny 2" or "Kindergarten Cop 2", is the devil incarnate and must be stopped at all cost.
Well, your grammar IS terrible, Jack. So's your spelling.
It's annoying with nearly everyone else, but with you it's sort of a turn-on.
Go figure.
I hear she goes topless in that for some trite, banal reason. Sure to be a winner!
Nicole Kidman has no boobies. Smaller than mine. They have to be on the big screen to be seen at all.
Not that I'm jealous of her fame or curly red hair or anything. Just sayin' is all.
I didn't know we were talking about Nicole Kidman. I thought we were still talking figuratively.
Boooooobies.
Oh dear god. Blogger is back. You are the first person it has let me comment on today (that doesn't have haloscan). Now I forgot my comment. Something about boobies and sitting in your lap...
oh... figuratively. okay. scratch that about nicole kidman.
(But she still has no boobies.)
Speaking of, just figuratively, Jack, have you been to
http://www.dontfeedthemonkeys.com/index.php?option=com_content&task=view&id=17&Itemid=30
You might like it.
How'd you know?
P.S.: TG, I always go to your site through Lunatic's page, just so I can click on your boobies to get there.
Hello, this is Mikel.
The only movie I ever watch now is Evil Dead 2, and I only watch it on weekends in the AM.
You make a good point, but you kinda overlooked how terrible the movie theater experience itself is. Nothing beats some group of 15 different prepubescents talking, applauding, using phones, or some combination of those annoyances during a film. The theaters also smell like shit most of the time. You also pay lots of money for food you might have gotten cheaper if you didn't go to a fucking movie theater at all.
Hey Jack, you're great.
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