We Built This City On Smooth Jazz And Sand
I have an emotional predisposition against the Showbiz Show with David Spade. The show is a series of crappy superficial celebrity jokes, or basically Jay Leno's monologue extended to half an hour. So you want to be the Daily Show, we can tell. But your celebrity jokes aren't going over for one very distinct reason:
"Britney and husband are trying to come up with a name for their newbor baby... They were going to name it after where it was conceived, but Olive Garden bathroom floor was too hard to say."
Yeah, but you're David Spade.
"Paris Hilton is apparantly having trouble remembering her lines on the set of her new movie. Producers say they're looking for someone to fuck her brains back in."
Yeah, but YOU'RE DAVID SPADE.
"Gwyneth Paltrow blah blah blah blah blah"
Yeah, but YOU'RE DAVID SPADE.
No celebrity joke works, because you are David Spade, saddest and lowest of all celebrities. Crawl back into your hole and do whiney voiceovers for credit card companies, you pest.
And as long as we're on the subject, fuck Carlos Mencia. This guy is supposed to replace Dave Chappelle? The guy whose jokes consist literally of just stating a laundry list of stereotypes? That's not a joke, you dumbass. Stepping on stage, saying Mexicans are lazy, then showing a video montage of you saying that Mexicans are lazy is not a joke. The only proof that Mexicans are lazy is your lazy writing, you fool.
Hell, while we're at it, Robot Chicken fucking sucks. I myself am exceedingly tired of Family Guy and its antics, but take away any cleverness Family Guy may still be clinging to and you've got Robot Chicken. An entire show based around the concept of people getting hit in the nads belongs on MTV eight years ago, jerks. And what the fuck are you doing on Cartoon Network? I remember when they used to have animated programs on that station, rather than thrown together flash movies of cardboard figures. Remember a thing called "budget"? It always seemed odd to me that the more popular Adult Swim got, the crappier quality its shows got. Last time I heard it was supposed to go the other way. I say the IRS look into this for laundering.
Ok.
"Britney and husband are trying to come up with a name for their newbor baby... They were going to name it after where it was conceived, but Olive Garden bathroom floor was too hard to say."
Yeah, but you're David Spade.
"Paris Hilton is apparantly having trouble remembering her lines on the set of her new movie. Producers say they're looking for someone to fuck her brains back in."
Yeah, but YOU'RE DAVID SPADE.
"Gwyneth Paltrow blah blah blah blah blah"
Yeah, but YOU'RE DAVID SPADE.
No celebrity joke works, because you are David Spade, saddest and lowest of all celebrities. Crawl back into your hole and do whiney voiceovers for credit card companies, you pest.
And as long as we're on the subject, fuck Carlos Mencia. This guy is supposed to replace Dave Chappelle? The guy whose jokes consist literally of just stating a laundry list of stereotypes? That's not a joke, you dumbass. Stepping on stage, saying Mexicans are lazy, then showing a video montage of you saying that Mexicans are lazy is not a joke. The only proof that Mexicans are lazy is your lazy writing, you fool.
Hell, while we're at it, Robot Chicken fucking sucks. I myself am exceedingly tired of Family Guy and its antics, but take away any cleverness Family Guy may still be clinging to and you've got Robot Chicken. An entire show based around the concept of people getting hit in the nads belongs on MTV eight years ago, jerks. And what the fuck are you doing on Cartoon Network? I remember when they used to have animated programs on that station, rather than thrown together flash movies of cardboard figures. Remember a thing called "budget"? It always seemed odd to me that the more popular Adult Swim got, the crappier quality its shows got. Last time I heard it was supposed to go the other way. I say the IRS look into this for laundering.
Ok.
posted by MC Harv at 1:40 PM
9 Comments:
I hate all things famous and celebrity-ish, anything having to do with Hollywood or showbiz or the media AT ALL. I hate TV (except for Rome, HBO 9 Central, Sunday Nights.) I hate the news. I hate CNN and Showtime and the sex on tv, even pay-per-view, sucks. I hate cartoons. Once the Simpsons came out every other cartoonist in the world (including Disney--I LOATHE Disney) should have broken their stupid crayons and committed suicide. The entire Cartoonist Race should have been erradicated. I really really really hate the weather channel, and I hate discussing the weather before, during or after it happens. It's weather. It happens. You're not going to melt, for crissake.
Oh, and George Bush is a weenie.
Whew. I feel sooooo much better. Who knew bitching could make you feel like you just got fucked real hard and long?
Thanks, Jack! Have a happy weekend!
Hearing women bitch about pop culture gets me so hot.
Sex, cartooning is alive and well.
-Thomas
I know it's alive and well, it's just not any GOOD, Tom-O.
- Pearls Before Swine
- Boondocks
- Bizzarro
- Aqua Teen Hunger Force
- Anything done by Katsuhiro Ôtomo, comic or film.
- Corpse Bride (stop animation is animation)
And I could go on.
*Shrug* Unlike Jack, I feel Simpsons has gotten a lot worse and Family Guy is still well-done (American Dad, no, but that's different). There's a lot of bad cartooning out there, but that's nothing new. I'd rather support the stuff that is mind-numblingly good and go on from there.
-Thomas
Jaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaack. It's Gilly, stupendous news. I'm going to be in Chi-Town for the duration of this comming weekend for a rugby match. We be stayin at Marriott Suites at O'Hare, or something like that. I would call or email but i don't have either thingy's to do so, but I'll get em from your mommy. I was just so exicted i had to let you know. Also, brilliant title on the "Diction/Dickshit" blog. ah, memories.
-Gilliam Wilman
Will, if you check this again, hit me up, I gots both.
-Thomas
TK, i'll be hittin you up for those in the near future. man, i just got off an achewood binge, and damn. that's all there is to it. damn. jawsome.
-Gilly
Sweet swiggity, Gilly Wilson. We gotta hang like a plastic fern in an office building.
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