Underappreciated Geniuses Of Low Humor

First off, by low humor, I am not speaking of those highbrow, elitist comedic ventures like Grandma's Boy or Disaster Movie, those intellectual comedies reserved for the literati. No, I'm talking true lowest-denominator chuckles, those scrawled on bathroom walls and in high school textbooks. Here are but a few of the most brilliant of shit-heel comedy, true low humor for the masses:

1. "Push Butt"

Though it probably can't be attributed to a single individual, whoever first took their keys to the hand warmer in the bathroom, scratching out letters such that the directions ask for you to apply pressure to your anus to begin the hand drying process... genius. Pure genius. A simple removal of the O and the N in the word "Button" turns a once innocent finish to the hand washing process into a dirty little jest, a raunchy delve into a world that cares not for what society deems is acceptable. True pioneers of the "Push Butt" defacing go the extra mile and actually draw butt-cheeks on the diagram depicting ones finger activating the dryer, thereby changing it from an unnecessarily informative pictoral to a glimpse into the ass-fingering one has been re-instructed to do. My hope is that some eternally literal bathroom user out there has actually proceeded to push in his butt upon reading this delightfully ribald graffiti. Oh, such sublime filth.

2. The "bONEr" Dollar

With but a few strokes of a marker (and a few strokes of genius), any dollar bill can become a dirty joke, and a conversation piece sure to fill hours of time with no-brainer laughs. It says "Boner!" On money! George Washington would roll around in his grave if he knew what we were doing to this country, desecrating his name with talks of erections and such. Go pay for something with a boner! "Hey, you got change for a boner?" Another instance of simple but effective low humor. No one is going to look at that dollar bill and not understand. It says boner. I cannot stress that enough, the fact that it was not intended to refer to penises but now it does. Think about it, but not too hard.

3. "Road Head"

Orange paint and ingenuity can turn any "Road Work Ahead" into a call for dangerous fellatio. "Honey, I'm just doing what the sign says. Watch your teeth as we go over this bump." What makes these so smart is that they are precisely not smart at all. The words "Road Head" on their own do not constitute a joke. But look at it. It is a sign, and it says a dirty sexual act on it. What more do you want? That's the lowest of low comedy, a beautifully simplistic reminder of a sexual act we have heard of. There's no need for context or anybody to walk into a bar or anything, this is pure dumb bad words yuks. The fact that someone took the time and effort to deface a sign for no reason other than that oral sex is funny, that takes heart. I salute you.

Not all graffiti is worth mention. Not all of it is funny or clever. I find the above to be enjoyable because they are mindless yet they take a certain level of thought to find the stupid in the everyday. I do not support drawing dicks in peoples mouths on billboards and stuff like that. First off, it's too easy. Most people draw dicks like they've never seen one, all looking like a cocktail wiener, and just putting a dick near someones picture does not tap into that brilliant side of idiocy. Secondly, I can't get over the sexist and homophobic undertones. The word "Boner" on a dollar bill is great to me because it does not to say Boner on it, it was not intended to say Boner on it, but all of a sudden, there is a dirty word on it and that's hilarious. But dicks in mouths does not pull from the source or try to find something in what is already there, they are used to insult the recipient. Stick with the classic mustache and glasses if you intend to do that. I don't like the implication, either, that having a dick in your mouth is degrading or insulting somehow. I've known many upstanding, intelligent and truly excellent people who have had dicks in their mouth, and all that means is that they're a giving person. Anyway, I digress. Maybe I'm just more of a wordplay man. I respect those that can see the pointlessly dirty in the everyday, and you geniuses of low humor deserve to be endlessly praised. Godspeed, ye dastard delinquents of the Sharpie set. Take us forward to the next generation of brainless entertainment.