Abs Of Steel, Abs Of Hatred

I saw Captured By Robots play at Logan Square last night. They are easily the greatest band to see perform on Halloween. It was fabulous. For those not in the know, Captured By Robots consists of one man, J-Bot, taken hostage by robots and forced to be in their thrash-pop band. Yes, the band is made up of actual robots. GTRBOT666 plays rythm guitar and bass, DRMBOT 0110 mashes on the kit; Automotom rocks the toms and backwards crash; George Bush, Dick Cheney and Donald Rumsfeld kick the horn section; the Ape Which Hath No Name plays tamborine; Son Of Ape Which Hath No Name plays cymbals; and J-Bot sings and plays lead guitar and keytar. Oh yeah, and controls all of the robots. He had a small remote control attached to his guitar that he used to make the robots sing, dance, play their instruments, and have a negative attitude towards the human race. It was like being in a B Horror Movie, and watching GWAR at the same time. Oh, and as if that wasn't novelty enough, the entire show was centered around the concept of an exercise video. J-Bot and company were determined to get the audience fit, even if it meant chopping some limbs off. Magnanemous. The Advantage opened; they perform rocked-out versions of old Nintendo songs. I've never wanted to play Mega-Man 3 more in my life. They didn't play any Legend Of Zelda, but other than that they covered all their bases. Bowsers Castle and the theme to Bomberman 2 were among my favorites. Brilliant, brilliant work.

The first opening band sucked again. I don't understand what it is with opening bands. Sometimes they can be fabulous, ie Ratatat opening for Mouse On Mars on Friday. And sometimes they can be just raunchy and awful and make you question your motives for going to the concert, such as last nights abortion Johnny Westerlake and his Tender Years. The name alone should've stopped me from seeing them, but I didn't know who the opening groups were. Basically, they were a group of shit-eating pricks who sing along to the demos on the Yamaha (and sometimes butcher playing a clarinet) in the style of shitty lounge singer/70's R+B star. It was one of those bands where it's supposed to be funny, but unless you know the band personally it's simply gut-wrenching. Even if you knew them personally, you'll probably regret it afterwards.

Why do I go to see the opening bands if they typically suck? Because on the off-chance that they don't, they can be insatiably fantastic. If I had gotten a cue from Johnny Westerlake and not stuck around for The Advantage, I would've missed out on quite a show. So it's give and take. Mainly give. Or take; whichever one is the one that you're not supposed to want to happen. Whatever.

Go see Captured By Robots if they come to an area near you. I guarantee you won't regret it.