Oh My God New Hat
The bracelet. God dammit, the bracelet. The entity that stares without eyes, bothers without intent, lingers without remorse.
My roommate uses a bracelet on the door to signify sexual deviancy occurances taking place within the confines of my room, as though the funky basslines and bed squeakage were not evidence enough. He seems to have his "funky time" whenever I need to get into the room. I swear, he gets off on my inconvenience. I'll bet he masturbates to thoughts of me missing the bus.
I realized today one of my many major flaws. Yes, grammar. That was already told to me. And speling. I alredy no thees. No, instead the flaw I shall focus on is that of adequacy. All my life I've been pretty good at school, you know, whatever. I get by. I never cared much for school anyway; it's all hornswaggle and pony spit anywho. None of this shit really matters that much, hence: FUCK IT. This has been my overbearing policy on life basically ever since I knew I could have policies on it. I do well enough, I'm not a bad student. I'm smart. Why bother?
Well, because of my lack of applying myself, I never really affected any desire or passion in anything I've done. Stagnating and getting by are all I really cared to do; I'm lazy, man. I'm realizing now that if I had worked harder or applied myself in school, I may not be in the ambiguous position of floating around in a collegiate atmosphere with no clue of what I want to do with my waste of a life. Everyone else seems to have this very specific life plan already in motion: "When I was six, I picked up a hammer and started banging it on the table. From this day forward, I knew I needed to be a judge." See? It's so obvious. Their lives are devoted to a singular area of study; they must be a carpenter or they must be a marine biologist or they must be an actor or they must be a chef or they must be a concert violinist. Their lives are devoted to this pursuit, and this devotion usually leads to some sort of retribution. I, however, don't give two damns. I don't want to be anything; I frankly want to avoid real life for as long as I possibly can. I have no passion in one particular subject, I have passion spread amongst several subjects, none of which will ever pan out financially or career-wise. This peanut butter method of interst limits me indescribably because I don't care enough about anything to pursue it to the point of being able to achieve it.
I always assumed this laid back "fuck it" personality of mine was a plus: I don't bother anybody, I'm not an asshole, I don't let lifes downsides get to me too much, you know, full on Tao shit (pronounced "ttt-OWWW". Be sure to really stress that T, as though you know exactly how it's pronounced and there's no way you could possibly be wrong). But now I'm starting to think it is this very attitude that is holding me back. If I don't care about anything, what is that going to mean for my future?
I'm basically not ready for adulthood. Fuck that balls. I never understood these dumbass "look at how fucking cool I am" dipshits who wanted to be an adult as soon as they could. Why? Adulthood fucking blows! You gotta... you know, do shit! Pay bills! Wash yourself regularly! Plan beyond what you're doing this weekend! Who wants any of that? Not I, said the fly, in this context the fly being me. But now, here it is, creeping up on me like a card carrying NAMBLA member. I don't think I can just let shit be any longer. But I really don't know how else to operate.
I want to just hang a bracelet on the door and hope opportunity gets the message and quits knockin'.
My roommate uses a bracelet on the door to signify sexual deviancy occurances taking place within the confines of my room, as though the funky basslines and bed squeakage were not evidence enough. He seems to have his "funky time" whenever I need to get into the room. I swear, he gets off on my inconvenience. I'll bet he masturbates to thoughts of me missing the bus.
I realized today one of my many major flaws. Yes, grammar. That was already told to me. And speling. I alredy no thees. No, instead the flaw I shall focus on is that of adequacy. All my life I've been pretty good at school, you know, whatever. I get by. I never cared much for school anyway; it's all hornswaggle and pony spit anywho. None of this shit really matters that much, hence: FUCK IT. This has been my overbearing policy on life basically ever since I knew I could have policies on it. I do well enough, I'm not a bad student. I'm smart. Why bother?
Well, because of my lack of applying myself, I never really affected any desire or passion in anything I've done. Stagnating and getting by are all I really cared to do; I'm lazy, man. I'm realizing now that if I had worked harder or applied myself in school, I may not be in the ambiguous position of floating around in a collegiate atmosphere with no clue of what I want to do with my waste of a life. Everyone else seems to have this very specific life plan already in motion: "When I was six, I picked up a hammer and started banging it on the table. From this day forward, I knew I needed to be a judge." See? It's so obvious. Their lives are devoted to a singular area of study; they must be a carpenter or they must be a marine biologist or they must be an actor or they must be a chef or they must be a concert violinist. Their lives are devoted to this pursuit, and this devotion usually leads to some sort of retribution. I, however, don't give two damns. I don't want to be anything; I frankly want to avoid real life for as long as I possibly can. I have no passion in one particular subject, I have passion spread amongst several subjects, none of which will ever pan out financially or career-wise. This peanut butter method of interst limits me indescribably because I don't care enough about anything to pursue it to the point of being able to achieve it.
I always assumed this laid back "fuck it" personality of mine was a plus: I don't bother anybody, I'm not an asshole, I don't let lifes downsides get to me too much, you know, full on Tao shit (pronounced "ttt-OWWW". Be sure to really stress that T, as though you know exactly how it's pronounced and there's no way you could possibly be wrong). But now I'm starting to think it is this very attitude that is holding me back. If I don't care about anything, what is that going to mean for my future?
I'm basically not ready for adulthood. Fuck that balls. I never understood these dumbass "look at how fucking cool I am" dipshits who wanted to be an adult as soon as they could. Why? Adulthood fucking blows! You gotta... you know, do shit! Pay bills! Wash yourself regularly! Plan beyond what you're doing this weekend! Who wants any of that? Not I, said the fly, in this context the fly being me. But now, here it is, creeping up on me like a card carrying NAMBLA member. I don't think I can just let shit be any longer. But I really don't know how else to operate.
I want to just hang a bracelet on the door and hope opportunity gets the message and quits knockin'.
posted by MC Harv at 1:57 AM
12 Comments:
I know how you feel man. I was floating around school with no clue. I knew I had to pick something or I was just gonna get stuck with no direction and confused. I'm 26 and I just graduated 5 months ago. Go with your own flow and don't let the pressure make you get into something you may not like. Because then you'll either be miserable for the rest of your life, or you'll have to start it all over. I tend to say "fuck it" too and walk away from shit, but I guess you just can't say "fuck it" to everything. Especially with things that will come back full circle.
you should use one of those rubber bracelets that all stand for SOMETHING. like the tie-dyed research for AIDS infected gay baby whales one.
if you send a message, you might get one in return.
ommmm... and shit.
ok, all the self-doubt aside for a moment (shit though, TG's right - the moon really is affecting those of us with no plan!) your roommate hangs a bracelet on the door when he pulls off?
EEEEEUUUUUGGGHHHH yukky shudder. I always knew boys were gross, but this takes it.
But, Christel, I bet there's an "I'm masturbating" bracelet out there somewhere. If there's not, it would be a hell of a seller with this crowd.
Oh, and Jack, about the other:
() + kisses, cutie! It's friday.
"and it's pronounced, 'Dow.'"
I know; I was being very, very, very sarcastic.
It doesn't seem to translate to text very well.
"Everyone else seems to have this very specific life plan already in motion: "When I was six, I picked up a hammer and started banging it on the table. From this day forward, I knew I needed to be a judge."
That shit made me laugh out loud.
You're not alone Jack, I'm so lost, i'm peanut butter, I have no direction, I don't know what to do with my life, the things I'm best at won't make me any money, i'm not practical in any sense, I have no left brain whatsoever, I can't handle money, do math, or handle finances, I'm not very creative, I refuse to work a dead end job... Sigh.. screw it!
just don't knock some chick up and HAVE TO grow up.
damn, Sex, it IS the moon.
Truth is the corniest thing of them all, other than, you know, corn.
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
Word of advice: its your own conscience that is going to remind you its only your heart that is going to judge. Help your brothers in their needs. In the kingdom of Jah man shall rein. Pass it on. Devote your life to destroying negative vibes. Remember the Good Vibes Revolution!
There's nothing wrong with ambition or applying yourself. Saying stuff about not accepting, "society's deffinition of success," is bullshit because the innner-groupings of society force all of us to assume a group mentality that best reinforces our egos; ain't no such thing as counter-culture.
I like being random, but a degree of stability isn't a bad thing. That and I hate relying on others.
-Thomas
I hate when people associate having money with having crappy sex. But other than that, yes, MB was oddly sweet. I don't know whether to be delighted or alarmed.
BYE JACK! Have a good weekend!
Post a Comment
<< Home