Family Hug!
Man, what a SCAMOLA! Or maybe even a SCAM-O-MANIA! Super giant scam spelled in the angriest font, emboldened and italicized, then underlined for emphasis, and also in large capital letters! LIKE THIS! THIS IS WHAT CAPITAL LETTERS ARE AND LOOK LIKE! Oh, and I'll follow it up with several exclamation points, and maybe a 1 at the end, either as an accident or as a joke about those who accidentally put 1's at the end of a series of !'s (but you'll never know which, I'm slick like that).
It is Arby's, the restaurant. They. I recieved 4 gift certificates to Arby's restaurant, each worth $5 of Arby food. Which, you know, I'm all "Cool, I get to eat today". So I all totally go to the damned restaurant, that mind you I would not have gone to at all if I did not have the gift certificates, and take a quick overview of their fine menu. I get the Beef 'N Cheddar combo, because I want not just a roast beef sandwhich, but one that looks like a very sick dog took a yellowy crap on it. Yum. So I order the medium, which by the way is the smallest size they had which SCAM DOESN'T MAKE ANY SENSE SCAM SCAM, and they're all telling me the price. $5.87. Word, whatever, I got like $20 of Funn Buxx to spend here and here only. SO I fork over two of my $5 tickets, cuz it went it slightly over $5 so I gotta use a second ticket, right? No big deal, right? Like this whole transaction is not like anything even, that's how little of a deal this all is! But then WHAM BAM SCAM THEY HIT ME WITH THE INFO. I apparantly don't get any money back on the second ticket! If I were to use it, it'd be $4.13 of Arby money flushed down the Arby toilet! Just straight up flushed! So I pay with A REAL DOLLAR BILL. Did you see those four words? They were big, I don't know how you missed 'em. A REAL DOLLAR BILL. One that could be spent somewhere OTHER THAN ARBY'S. This is a dollar bill that I would not have spent at Arby's otherwise. If I hadn't had these gift certificates, I would've not even enter the place and stayed in my bed with my dollar bill, kissing it and rolling around in joy. But no, they squeezed REAL ACTUAL MONEY out of me. And, like, you know, it's their perogative to not hand out real time money or even a lowered gift certificate as change, policy and shit, but ALL OF THEIR ITEMS ARE SLIGHTLY OVER $5. Just enough to make you pay actual money that you wouldn't have paid otherwise, because the gift certificates are for $5, not $5.87. THEY HAD THIS ALL FIGURED OUT.
SCAM SCAMMITY SCAMMER SCAMBOTRONIC SCIZZLE BIZZLE ON THE BUSINESS OF A SCAM SANDWHICH AKA SCAMWHICH WHICH IS A SCAM SCAM SCAM.
I air my grievances, essentially.
It is Arby's, the restaurant. They. I recieved 4 gift certificates to Arby's restaurant, each worth $5 of Arby food. Which, you know, I'm all "Cool, I get to eat today". So I all totally go to the damned restaurant, that mind you I would not have gone to at all if I did not have the gift certificates, and take a quick overview of their fine menu. I get the Beef 'N Cheddar combo, because I want not just a roast beef sandwhich, but one that looks like a very sick dog took a yellowy crap on it. Yum. So I order the medium, which by the way is the smallest size they had which SCAM DOESN'T MAKE ANY SENSE SCAM SCAM, and they're all telling me the price. $5.87. Word, whatever, I got like $20 of Funn Buxx to spend here and here only. SO I fork over two of my $5 tickets, cuz it went it slightly over $5 so I gotta use a second ticket, right? No big deal, right? Like this whole transaction is not like anything even, that's how little of a deal this all is! But then WHAM BAM SCAM THEY HIT ME WITH THE INFO. I apparantly don't get any money back on the second ticket! If I were to use it, it'd be $4.13 of Arby money flushed down the Arby toilet! Just straight up flushed! So I pay with A REAL DOLLAR BILL. Did you see those four words? They were big, I don't know how you missed 'em. A REAL DOLLAR BILL. One that could be spent somewhere OTHER THAN ARBY'S. This is a dollar bill that I would not have spent at Arby's otherwise. If I hadn't had these gift certificates, I would've not even enter the place and stayed in my bed with my dollar bill, kissing it and rolling around in joy. But no, they squeezed REAL ACTUAL MONEY out of me. And, like, you know, it's their perogative to not hand out real time money or even a lowered gift certificate as change, policy and shit, but ALL OF THEIR ITEMS ARE SLIGHTLY OVER $5. Just enough to make you pay actual money that you wouldn't have paid otherwise, because the gift certificates are for $5, not $5.87. THEY HAD THIS ALL FIGURED OUT.
SCAM SCAMMITY SCAMMER SCAMBOTRONIC SCIZZLE BIZZLE ON THE BUSINESS OF A SCAM SANDWHICH AKA SCAMWHICH WHICH IS A SCAM SCAM SCAM.
I air my grievances, essentially.
posted by MC Harv at 12:40 PM
8 Comments:
Did you ask them if you could take a tour of the kitchen and observe the fact that the roast beef they use on their sandwiches IS ACTUALLY IN A LIQUID STATE INITIALLY?!
You heard it here first, folks!
I will never eat them again.
Actually, I never ate there, so I'm good.
I think your issue should be with whoever gave you the Arby Funbucks in the first place. I bet they were in your stocking, weren't they? It was fucking Santa Claus, that fucker.
Santa wants everybody to be ROLY POLY like him. Give 'em candy, give 'em cookies, give 'em pie, give 'em fast food. Soon we'll all be fat and jolly and ready for his giant oven. Sick fucker EATS PEOPLE, yo.
And you heard THAT SHIT here first. Tell friend.
You dumb fuck. Why didn't you just get another, smaller sandwhich or something else that would have totalled less than or prefferably equal to $4.13 and saved it for later?
That said: Gift cards piss me off for this exact reason. Give me the cash, suckas! I'm sorry the Arby's corporation was a dickface to your face.
Vdbeufy: To beutify through venereal disease.
-Thomas
Don't call me a dumb fuck. Ain't no way am I gonna wait in line with a meal in mind and change it last minute upon learning the new information. I am not that quick a thinker. It took me six hours of straight contemplation to figure out the exact wording of this comment, full brain power and all. Plus everyone would be angry with me, including me. I just wanted to get a damn sandwhich and get da fuck out.
Kgsel! (Vagina exercises in the tub using a rubber duckie)
I'll call you a dumb fuck if I damn well please. I'd let you do it to me. You know I'm all about the act first, ask questions as needed, but it seems pretty straightforward to me: I can't get change, I'll buy two sandwhiches.
"Irmiyda..." The classic opening line from Iron Butterfly's less popular, but still amazing "Never Mind my Enunciation"
Most critics deplore it for being a drunken parody of the band's seminal hit, more intended to mock fans who would never stop requesting "In-A-Gadda-Da-Vida" at shows than to be an actual piece of work.
Those critics are wrong.
-Thomas
That's the most in-depth word verification post I've ever seen. We should do long essays on these things we make up off the top of our head.
Vcvzdk! (The sound of a really large industrial Polaroid camera.)
Yeah, I'm pretty awesome.
Flqkq!
In a world where vowles mean nothing, the ancient art of flick-kick lives on.
-Thomas
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