The Eternal Debate

What is a "milkshake"? Kelis is obviously using it as a metaphor for something else, unless she actually works at a diner in which many men attend because of the superior dairy delicacy. In an interview she states it is "anything that gives you a sense of empowerment". But come on, Kelis. How dumb do you think we are? It's obviously a sexual reference of some kind. Just watch the video. If "empowerment" means fellating cherries and spraying metaphorical ejaculate all over everyone in the room, then all civil rights activists would double as porn stars.

Theories that have been batted around include it being the ass. Certainly this makes sense, as the verb "shake" has often been connected with the ass. But how can you "teach" someone to have a better ass? The line about having to teach the individual Kelis is singing to how to improve their milkshake hints to us that it is an act rather than a specific object. This brings us to the blowjob theory. You can learn to give a better blowjob, and certainly Kelis would be one to teach us this. The connection to "milk" is also prevalent in the blowjob theory. But Kelis also says that her milkshake brings all the boys to the yard. Now, obviously this may be simple hyperbole, but even if exaggerating, that's a lot of boys. Not even Kelis could have given that many boys blowjobs, much less could those boys have recieved blowjobs from the individual Kelis is speaking to to allow for comparison. I believe the milkshake combines both a visual object and an action, so that people who have experienced Kelis' milkshake can attest to it being better than yours, and those who have not can arguably get a sense that it is better than yours by looking at it. You can't tell by looking at a person if they give good blowjobs or not. This leads me to believe that the boys would not come to the yard for a blowjob, but because there is something visually appealing.

My personal theory is that "milkshake" refers to a frothy vagina. The visual of a milkshake has connotations of a frothy vagina (vaginal structure, full of a milky and delicious liquid, phallic symbols such as straws and spoons are often inserted), and the video furthers this concept. The milkshake machine mixes the milkshake at an alarming speed and eventually it gets mixed so hard that it bursts and the entire diner is covered in vanilla ice cream. Milkshakes are topped with cherries, which imply a connection to the "popping of the cherry". Plus, when was the last time your waitress touched herself all over when serving you a shake? Someones vagina would bring boys to the yard by the visual of it or by word of mouth of those who had experienced it. And a frothy vagina is a happy vagina.