Cock Is Like Diet Fuck
Soap ads always say their product kills "99.9% of germs". Couldn't quite pull off that last .1, could ya? I assume the ad execs say to themselves, "Well, we can't legally say it kills 100% of the germs... What's the next highest percentage we can use?" Unless of course each individual company actually calculated their products effectiveness and they all happened to be exactly 99.9%. In this case, I will gladly retract my statement and zip up my big mouth right quick. I'll probably end up doing so once that ASS MescalineBanana informs me of a spelling, grammatical or scientific error I've made... That should be the basis of your blog: devote it to the mistakes that I make on this one.
I was tempted to leave "make" as "amke", but decided against it. But I guess it doesn't matter either way, as I added this follow-up sentence.
In every ad for any sort of toiletry, such as shaving cream, acne medicine or toothpaste, as soon as the man is finished washing himself, a random woman comes up to him and proceeds to make out with him. Where did this woman come from? Did she somehow sense he had just shaved and magnetized towards him? This doesn't happen in real life, at least not to me. I don't remember the last time I finished wiping my ass and some random girl came up to and begin to lick it. Well, granted I was drunk at the time...
You know what scares the fuck out of me? Those creepy-ass Charmin bears who enjoy wiping their ass way more than they should. Wiping appears to be equivalent to sexual release, and the fact that they're cartoon bears that look like they came straight out of a Hallmark card you'd throw away without reading certainly doesn't make it any less fucked up. All they appear to do is shit and wipe and molest trees. What kind of sick, hedonistic world is this Charmin is presenting to us? What happened to the militaristic warnings against squeezing the Charmin? I always wonder who comes up with these ad campaigns, and what the fuck was dying in their head when they did.
Whatever happened to the Reach guy? You remember him? The dorky little naked dude with a big nose who told us the benefits of the brand of toothbrush he was named after? Nobody made out with him after he brushed his imaginary teeth. He missed out on the trend. Poor guy.
Oh god, I'm also disturbed by those new Gillette commercials. The dude shaves, rips all the skin from his face to reveal the disgusting shiny blue gel that is his innards. I think he's from space. It makes the blade look like the most painful thing ever. He bleeds neon blue, and some chick still makes out with him! What the fuck?
In conclusion: Never brush your teeth.
I was tempted to leave "make" as "amke", but decided against it. But I guess it doesn't matter either way, as I added this follow-up sentence.
In every ad for any sort of toiletry, such as shaving cream, acne medicine or toothpaste, as soon as the man is finished washing himself, a random woman comes up to him and proceeds to make out with him. Where did this woman come from? Did she somehow sense he had just shaved and magnetized towards him? This doesn't happen in real life, at least not to me. I don't remember the last time I finished wiping my ass and some random girl came up to and begin to lick it. Well, granted I was drunk at the time...
You know what scares the fuck out of me? Those creepy-ass Charmin bears who enjoy wiping their ass way more than they should. Wiping appears to be equivalent to sexual release, and the fact that they're cartoon bears that look like they came straight out of a Hallmark card you'd throw away without reading certainly doesn't make it any less fucked up. All they appear to do is shit and wipe and molest trees. What kind of sick, hedonistic world is this Charmin is presenting to us? What happened to the militaristic warnings against squeezing the Charmin? I always wonder who comes up with these ad campaigns, and what the fuck was dying in their head when they did.
Whatever happened to the Reach guy? You remember him? The dorky little naked dude with a big nose who told us the benefits of the brand of toothbrush he was named after? Nobody made out with him after he brushed his imaginary teeth. He missed out on the trend. Poor guy.
Oh god, I'm also disturbed by those new Gillette commercials. The dude shaves, rips all the skin from his face to reveal the disgusting shiny blue gel that is his innards. I think he's from space. It makes the blade look like the most painful thing ever. He bleeds neon blue, and some chick still makes out with him! What the fuck?
In conclusion: Never brush your teeth.
posted by MC Harv at 2:14 PM
11 Comments:
Newbie? To what? Hedonism? I've been around the block, my friend; I just don't want to live in a world where my fellow man wipes his ass with a tree.
Smack my sack, you fuck-hole.
Heh.
I thought I was the only one who thought the Gilette people were aliens. Maybe his blood just doesn't oxidize and the chick is super morbid and shit and jsut hasn't put on the black clothes and creepy make up.
-Thomas
which is worse: the guy who sweats blue gatoraid or the guy who scrapes the skin off his alien face?
sweating is gross. dunno what ad-guy came up with that, but I bet he's got "issues".
I loved the fliptop head Reach guy. He had the cool British accent and always made me want to brush my toothies.
Gillete man is worse than Gatorade sweat because Gillete man is bleeding. Gatorade sweat may be gross, but we should be tolerant of other people's medical issues.
-Thomas
i guess at least the gatoraid guy is doing something besides standing in front of the mirror shaving his whole life.
I call missing a big chunk of your face an emergency. Issue is equivilent to condition, here.
-Thomas
ok, jackie, we've given you five days. post already.
"You know what scares the fuck out of me? Those creepy-ass Charmin bears who enjoy wiping their ass way more than they should."
Oh my lo'd... I've been saying that to friends for at least a YEAR. Those bears are horridly disturbing.
Post a Comment
<< Home