Best Buy Called Me The Devil
Every review I read of the Seinfeld DVD is nothing but a slew of Seinfeld references. "This sponge-worthy DVD is full of extras that want to be your latex salesmen, including yada-yada-yada commentary from the cast! It's the set about nothing you won't want to regift, and it'll keep you saying 'No soup for you"!" Congragu-fucking-lations. You've seen the show before. Thanks for proving it to me. I guess I get what I deserve for reading reviews of anything by anyone ever. All reviewers do is simply try to impress their readers with tangential metaphors and in-references, especially for shows so steeped into the national consciousness such as Seinfeld. Everyone knows these references already. They're the easiest in the world to make. There's no point in even incorporating them into a review.
God, look at me, complaining about DVD reviews? What the fuck? Why do I even read them? I should be complaining about my poor spelling or lack of grammatical or typographical skills. I should be complaining about the fact that all my H's come out as capital letters on the first try or the fact that every time I type the letter A, I accidentally hit the caps lock and fuck up my whole sentence. But why bother with that? That's just as futile and useless. Why bother complaining at all? How come every fucking post of mine turns into a god-damned rant on obvious subjects to no positive result? I'm not a cranky or angry guy. I shouldn't give off the impression that all I do is sit in my room and steam until I can focus that pointless anger enough to write some stupid shit in a dumb blog that no one gives a shit about. I'm happy. I'm carefree and good-natured, god dammit. I'm a fucking happy cunt son of a bitch and anyone who fucking argues with this is going to get elephant shit shoved up their face. I guess this blog is an outlet, in which i plug my angry juices to get catharsis for me and possibly a chuckle out of any potential readers. But I sometimes feel like what I write in here is trite and foolish and that my posts have since been focused around "Hmm. What can I bitch about next?". I don't like fishing for things to piss me off; I'd prefer they come to me and then I write about them if they really grab me. But then if nothing comes to me, I'll have nothing to post for a while and the masses will be displeased. Can't have that. Ah, fuck that. Fuck everything. Piece of shit. Why the fuck am I writing this, too? Why do I write anything?
Ah, yes, the ever-present boredom factor. I am bored, as the stupid little tagline on the right-hand corner of this page so definitivly proclaims. But I don't want to leave you readers with another one of my stupid-ass self-questioning posts, nor is the Seinfeld bitching worthy. But what to write about to keep fans happy?
Aha!
Old Navy can diddle my cocks.
God, look at me, complaining about DVD reviews? What the fuck? Why do I even read them? I should be complaining about my poor spelling or lack of grammatical or typographical skills. I should be complaining about the fact that all my H's come out as capital letters on the first try or the fact that every time I type the letter A, I accidentally hit the caps lock and fuck up my whole sentence. But why bother with that? That's just as futile and useless. Why bother complaining at all? How come every fucking post of mine turns into a god-damned rant on obvious subjects to no positive result? I'm not a cranky or angry guy. I shouldn't give off the impression that all I do is sit in my room and steam until I can focus that pointless anger enough to write some stupid shit in a dumb blog that no one gives a shit about. I'm happy. I'm carefree and good-natured, god dammit. I'm a fucking happy cunt son of a bitch and anyone who fucking argues with this is going to get elephant shit shoved up their face. I guess this blog is an outlet, in which i plug my angry juices to get catharsis for me and possibly a chuckle out of any potential readers. But I sometimes feel like what I write in here is trite and foolish and that my posts have since been focused around "Hmm. What can I bitch about next?". I don't like fishing for things to piss me off; I'd prefer they come to me and then I write about them if they really grab me. But then if nothing comes to me, I'll have nothing to post for a while and the masses will be displeased. Can't have that. Ah, fuck that. Fuck everything. Piece of shit. Why the fuck am I writing this, too? Why do I write anything?
Ah, yes, the ever-present boredom factor. I am bored, as the stupid little tagline on the right-hand corner of this page so definitivly proclaims. But I don't want to leave you readers with another one of my stupid-ass self-questioning posts, nor is the Seinfeld bitching worthy. But what to write about to keep fans happy?
Aha!
Old Navy can diddle my cocks.
posted by MC Harv at 1:08 AM
4 Comments:
I like to think of this as what it says it is: super happy fun time awesome. It's stupid and pontless like almost all blogs, but that's the point. Irrelevance is unavoidable in everything we do, we should simply embrace it and move on.
-Thomas
To Jerry and crew: sorry all your careers flopped back into the gutter when you quit doing your show. But don't punish us with your DVD. It's not our fault that you were a one trick pony.
As far as the bitching: There is a direct correlation between the bitching on my blog and the sex I'm getting. Taking that into account, I'll give my usual all-inclusive diagnosis:
You need to get laid.
But don't, because I like your bitching. It's funny, and if you don't do it who will?
Yeah, reviews really suck. I read Rolling Stone's review of De La Soul's new album. It should be put to shame. The review was only 2 paragraphs long and the second paragraph talked about how the new Handsome Boy Modeling School album rocks. Im sure it does, but stick to the fucking subject! I can't believe people get paid for such bullshit. It was also a bad review. FUCK ROLLING STONE. Gee, what an original name for a rock n' roll magazine.
Jack, i will tell you why bitch as if i were a fortune cookie: "You are keen at diagnosing the stupidity of others"
Therefore, we bitch.
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