They Just Won't Let Tyson Go For That Whole Ear Thing

So I attended a 24 hour horror movie marathon last weekend. But I had to go by myself because all my friends had other things to do. Somehow doing homework, seeing parents and going to concerts was more important than seeing Scanners, Return Of The Living Dead, and Demons BACK TO MOTHER FUCKING BACK, but that was their perogative I suppose. It is a movie theatre after all, tisn't impossible to have fun all by lonesome. Man, I can't rightly express to you how enjoyable it was to walk into the theatre at noon and leave at... noon. I felt like a member of elite horror fans, staying up through an entire rotation of the Earth and watching many people die or be turned into evil creatures. Such an intense amount of blood and gore, all on the big screen with a crowd that was of like mind and appreciation was a beautiful thing.

I don't know how many of you have heard of the film Aftermath by Nacho Cerda, but the US premiere screening was that very night, on account of it's being widely banned in basically everywhere in the world. There was all manner of build-up behind this movie, you know: Banned everywhere, first screening, audiences in a Toronto screening were left vomiting in the streets. So having heard all the tales about this film, I sort of took it as a personal challenge to make it through. The film begins, the doctor cuts into the body. The head is split open and the brain is removed, all manner of crunching noises. Now, I've seen quite a bit of gore in my day. But this was some of the most realistic I'd ever seen on film; I was debating with myself whether or not they incorporated a real body for the filming. About 10 minutes in, I started feeling the tingle. You know that tingle when you're about to throw up? That whole rising of what feels almost electric in your body, a strange vibrating numbness from the stomach up? I was thinking to myself "Oh shit, I'm actually going to throw up during this thing." I decided it was too much to bare and excused myself for the bathroom. I didn't feel like I was going to throw up, and decided to simply pee and let things work themselves out.

I dreamt. I don't know what I dreamt, but I think I was laughing. I dreamt whatever it was I dreamt the night previous, though I don't remember what that is either. But I think I was laughing.

I wake up on the floor, my penis still protuding over the top of my unzipped pants. A crowd of two is staring at me on the ground, one decides it may be a good idea to help me up.

"Are you alright man?"
"Yeah... Did I hit my head or anything?"
"No, you fell into me in the middle of my piss. I didn't know if you were on acid or something."
"I'm definitely not on acid."
"Um, I didn't finish my piss."

I let the man behind me get back to his dirty business and proceeded to pull up my pantaloons and wash my sullied hands. What the fuck just happened?

I had a seizure, I think. Maybe I just blacked out for a second. Either way, I passed out on the ground for the duration of about a second. Was this the movie that did this to me?

Idly joining the other few that had left the theatre area, I took a look at the movie, still in progress, through the windows of the entrance doors. Hmm. That guy is still doing an autopsy on that damn body. I didn't realize cutting the dick off the body then probing the hole you just made with blunt objects was standard procedure. Then again, I don't have a medical liscence. What do I know? Maybe you're supposed to climb on top and fuck the body after you've cut it open.

So the question then came to mind, as oft does in situations somewhat similar to this: Am I a pussy? I fucking passed out during a god damned horror movie, only pussies do that. This film was a personal challenge, an attempt to prove myself better than all the Torontons who blew their bagged lunches upon witnessing this film. I failed. I couldn't do it. Guy outside the theatre on his cell phone, talking with someone about the movie. "Yeah, I stepped out for a second. It was just so boring, you know?" Hmm. Boring. I talked with a friend of mine the next day, another avid horror man; said he'd thought the film was "pointless". Pointless. Boring. So it was essentially a presentation in 7th grade social studies class that caused me to writhe on the floor of the mens room? I must be a pussy. There's no two ways about this. There were tons of people still watching the film, all less of a pussy than you. What the hell, man, you couldn't sit through that? That was nothing. My grandma and I watched that on her 65th anniversary. We laughed then had tea. It was Earl Grey. She yawned. Oh, she said you're a pussy, too.

Upon post-examination of the film, it appears it is nothing but gory things happening, no real storyline or plot. I'm guessing here, I didn't stay for the whole thing. But that may be why so many found it "boring", they're used to the gore. It rolls right off their back, just like that guys kidneys did in the movie. I've never had a reaction to any movie like that before. It was really strange for me. I started to imagine what else it could have been, perhaps the 7+ Monster energy drinks I had over the past 2 hours. No, I was feeling fine. They had basically worn off, those things don't do much for me. They were free, who am I to turn down free shit? No other factors really came to mind. It seems like to big a coincidence for me to react that way after just hearing that this was a seemingly common reaction to it.

Which means I am nothing but a common pussy.

I later thought to myself that this was the wrong way to look at it. First off, I like horror movies, but they're not all I watch. I'm not completely desensitized to gore, I still sort of go "Oooooh" when the Yankee rolls around in the barrel of nails in 2000 Maniacs, tame as that may be by todays standards. I've never watched Faces Of Death, nor would be particularly interested to, because gore and death and blood and etcetera are not solely what I like horror for. I like the camp, the bad storylines, the suspense, the ridiculousness, the clever lines, the intrigue, the shadows, and, yes, the gore. I like still being senstive to gore; if I weren't, movies which are simply a gore-fest would be of no interest to me. I think gore is sick, funny, gruesome, interesting, and at times, overwhelming. But I don't really get squeamish at anything, which made me wonder about Aftermath. What was it exactly that hit me about that film over any other? How was it different? I could probably see things in it no one who is desensitized could, because for them it's nothing new. For me, I'm trying to discover how it's new.

This movie was,seen by many, I believe, including myself, as a kind of personal challenge. Prove your tolerance level. Part of my reaction may have been all the talk of feeling woozy afterwards; who knows how I would've felt had I not head anything about it. Part of it may have been one specific thing that got me; I think it may have been all the sounds of bone-cracking, that shit gets me, it seems. And, yes, part of it may simply be that I'm a pussy. But so what? Pussys get more out of the art of cinema than others. If people try to hold in their fears, tears or cheers in an attempt to "beat" the movie and not be a pussy, they missed something. If you cry during a movie, it is not that you are not a man. It is that the movie got to you in some way. It affected you. This is good. If we become so desensitized that we try to repress reaction to film, we'll get far less out of it than if we just let it out. I get giddy when I watch TV, I don't know about you. The whole episode of The X Files I watched today, I knew that shady guy in the long wig was Krycek, I fucking knew it. But I didn't say "Yeah, I knew it was him" upon revealing this fact. I waited til he showed up and jumped to the heavens in joy, after spending the entirity of the episode excited for the moment. Because I still feel when I partake in art.

And if that makes me a pussy, then so be it.

P.S. I plan on renting Aftermath and giving it another chance. I'm going to gauge my reaction and compare it to the other night, I'll keep you posted on my findings.