Things I Learned At Work #3

"Shnit" is the most ridiculous fake swear word ever.

With A Dick Like Mine, I'm Peeing Marbles All The Time

I realized man has five fingers on each hand for the purpose of picking at various popular orifices. The most commonplace picked-at areas on the body are the nose, the ears, the teeth, the eyes and the butt. The importance of having five fingers is so that each finger can be designated a certain picking area so there is no overlap. It is quite unsanitary to pick away the eye boogers of rest with the finger used previously to idly pick at your butt. It also would not please many to discard a popcorn kernel lodged in between teeth with the same finger used to clear away waxy buildup of the ear. With five fingers, however, each individual finger can be assigned a part of the body to pick at, so that each finger covers the necessary ground. Typically people tend not to pick at areas other then the aforementioned five; if they do they must prepare for overlap, or perhaps migrate to the other hand for extended picking purposes. So long as each finger is given a specific area, there need not be concern for cross-pollinization of fluids, as each finger is carefully seperated by the one next to it by a bit of space and a tinge of webbing. If we stick to the designated areas, our picked areas need never be in direct conflict with one another.

And be sure to wash your hands early and often.

Things I Learned At Work #2

It is remarkably easy to exaggerate how badly you have to go to the bathroom to those around you.

Things I Learned At Work #1

From an appropiate distance, if you cross your eyes, the letters R and K look exactly the same. This makes staring at the word "Jerky" immensely interesting, as it comes out like an fluid blur of letters; does it say "Jerry"? Who is Jerry and why is his name on that box of meat? Does it say "Jekky"? What does Jekky mean, what is this box attempting to convey? "Jekry?" Sounds like the name of a mongoloid's cat. Is this stick of meat made from mongoloid cat? I'd eat it. Sounds interesting.

The mind can wander on this R K business for quite some time.