I Have So Many Double A Batteries

I have so many double A batteries. I have truly a large amount of double A batteries currently in my possession. This is absolutely uncanny, this amount. Oh my goodness, would you look at all of them, all of them over there in a pile together near one another. It is good. It is just so good to have that many double A batteries like that. And they all work. That is the beautiful. They all work, every one. Not a dud in the bunch, they are all brand new, several of them still in their box. How did I get so many double A batteries? Where did they come from? Is this where all the batteries that are not included wind up? I am Sold Separately Depot. I needed to use double A batteries for this thing that takes batteries just now, at this late hour of the night, and lo and wouldn't you know it I not only have some and some more but I have LOTS. So many double A batteries that it's almost a shame. Yes, a shame. I feel bad that I have so many double A batteries. It is not right for one man to have so many. There are remote controls and CD players and Christmas toys all across this great nation that are struck useless without batteries, and here I am having a lot. What business could I possibly have for all of them. But I did need some at this ungodly unholy demonic bewitching hour and that makes me happy inside that I have them, the double A batteries, because even though I have a lot it is sometimes good to have a lot because it would be better to have a lot and not need them than to have zero and need more than zero.

There is a saying where I come from. I don't remember it.

Gastral Weeks

Query: Does anyone else out there get "faux-farts"? Those moments when you're taking a test or something that involves a room full of silent people and you suddenly feel an oncoming riot of escaped convicts in the Alcatraz of your ass; you try with all your might to hold in what is bound to be an explosive and rather embarrassing expulsion of gas; one that doesn't just make noise, it makes a statement; one that doesn't just smell, it makes people legitimately worried about your health... You successfully prevent the fart from leaving, but in doing so a strange little noise occurs. The fart feels as if it is making its way back up into the northern hemisphere of your body, but in doing so it still makes a rather bombastic noise? This happened to me on Tuesday, and I looked about the silent room embarrassed, but I could not tell if anyone had noticed or not. Maybe they were busy with the test, maybe they were glancing at each other with such secrecy I failed to notice, or maybe I was in the rare classroom where not a single person is put off by a large trumpeting from the rumpeting. Or maybe only I heard the sound. Could it be that because I internalized the fart I also internalized its noise? This is really bizarre to me; though I did not actually fart, it sounded, to me at least, exactly as though I had. I'm curious about this, medically. What the hell happened? Did the noise happen? Was it my imagination? Was any of this... real??? Where am I??? Is anything EVEN GOING ON?!?!?!?!?!?!?


...Anyways. Sorry about my lack of presence. I promise much more activity in upcoming days.