Leave Beer Out Of This

Many people have said something to the effect of: "Yeah, Kerry might have good policies, but Bush seems more like the kinda guy you could go get a beer with, you know?" Since when did ability to drink alcoholic beverages with a cantidate become a campaigning point? You know that with both parties, getting a beer with them at the local tavern would be a hellishly awkward and regretable experience.

Our Nations Average Voter: "So, uh... (sips beer) What you been up to lately?"
President Bush: "Well, our country has been in great turmoil. What our country needs to fight the war on terrrrrrr is a leader who isn't afraid to make unpopular decisions to maintaininize the freedom of this great nation."
Voter: "Uh, yeah. I saw the debates. You kinda already said that a couple of times."
Bush: "My opponent voted 643 times against the..."
Voter: "Yeah... He's not here right now. How's your beer?"
Bush: "Freedom."
Voter: "...Yeah. Great. You're picking up the tab, right?"

Voter: "So... I bet you guys put ketchup on lots of stuff, don't you?"
Kerry: "Ha ha... That's funny. But what isn't funny is the way our country has been denying health care to those individuals who need it. There are 200,000 people out there in whatever city a I happen to be in at the moment who went without health care. This is not right for people, this is not right for America. I plan to change this if elected in November."
Voter: "....Um.... What do you think of this bar? I've never been here before."
Kerry: "I'd like to field a question you didn't ask me, if I may. My stance on terror is firm. We will find terrorists wherever they may be and kill them to protect the American people. Also, health care."
Voter: "Hey, barkeep. Keep 'em coming."

I think what "I could have a beer with him" translates to is "He's a dumbfuck like me". People don't like intelligent people. They would much rather vote for an idiot so that they feel comfortable with their own idiocy. It amazes me that after abhorently pathetic displays in press conference questioning periods and the three debates that Bush still garners the respect of half of this country. Even someone who was completely ignorant to all the issues and couldn't comprehend at all what either cantidate was saying would clearly see that Kerry came out on top after the first debate. Every time Bush opens his mouth I expect his poll numbers to drop by at least 20% the next day. But, lo and behold, they stay the same, if not having increased. I guess I give this country too much credit. Most of us really are idiots who don't deserve to be voting.

Keep in mind I don't like Kerry either, but he's definintly the second worst choice. I normally avoid talking politics because people spend so much time on their blogs bitching about trivial things like this grammatical error or that group of 500 innocent Iraqi's bombed or slaughtered, but lately I've been more and more annoyed with our fucked-up political system and feel the need to write ineffectual snarky words about it. Maybe it's the whole "being in college" syndrome. Now if you'll excuse me, I have to go eat pizza, hang out in the student center and play ultimate frisbee instead of writing a paper. Animal House ruled!

Dave Matthews Should Write A Heartfelt Folksy Love Song About Dropping Piss And Shit On People From A Bridge

Sorry. I gave in. I went to sleep last night. If I didn't have these friggin' "obligations" that I had to pay attention to, I'd probably never sleep and go insane. But I do have class and papers to write, so eventually I must give in in order to remain sane. I went a total of 38 hours, which barely scratches the surface. One day I will reach 72 hours and will go clinically insane. After the period of time, you begin to hallucinate and are literally classified as being insane. I've planned to do this for a while, but I keep having things to do. God! I hate things. I'll do it in December, and chronicle the whole thing here. Mark your calendars now! December is "Jack Doesn't Sleep-Con 1"!

I did have some fucked up dreams last night. I can't wait to see what they'll be like once I finally go to sleep in December. I don't even remember what they were like, only that they were fucked up. I think a guy in a business suit tried to get me to bleed on pieces of paper in a public restroom... Or maybe that was this morning... Ah, phooey.

Gee, Asian Girls Certainly Love Their Boyfreinds, Don't They?

I'm on no sleep right now. I'm debating going another 24 hours, just to see if I can do it.

We've all had those days where we stay up so late, and you have to get up so early, that it's no longer worth actually going to sleep, right? I was up until 5:30 last night (or this morning) and had to go to class at 8:30. If I went to sleep, I'd probably get one good hour, and wake up cranky and irritated, as opposed to not waking up at all. Instead, I walked around the city. That time is funny to walk around during. I often walk around at 2 or 3 at night, but once you breach on 5 or 6, none of the late night people are out anymore. The late night is over, the early morning has begun. I got to be a late nighter in a world of early-morning jogger, biker and business types. It was an interesting experience, knowing all these people had just began a new day whereas mine was hardly over yet.

When you stay up for a day or two straight, the days begin to meld into one another. Not having awakening as a key to when the next day is, all you have to go by is your preconcieved notions of dawn. When it gets light out, there. That's the new day.

My friend and I invented a less confusing system than the "midnight as beginning of the new day" one currently in place by our damn Earth's rotation around the sun. See, the beginning to each new day is relative to each individual. When you wake up is when the new day has begun, not at midnight. Because who goes to sleep before midnight anymore? The Amish. Are you Amish? If you are, you're going to hell for reading this, you perverted little brat. It gets so fucking annoying when you talk to someone after midnight about doing something tomorrow, and they get all smart-ass on you and say "You mean today ha ha ha ha ha". Nope. Not anymore. Tomorrow begins when you awake. And in the aforementioned case of staying up all night, the new day will officially begin at 6:00 AM, as this is around when the sun rises. Only the smart-aleck little cunts who feel the need to meticulously argue about stupid inane details will find this new system difficult. But we don't like talking to those people anyway, now do we?

Now if you'll excuse me, I have to get back to not sleeping. Good night.

Fuck Me Gently With A Chainsaw

How fucking cool would it be to chill with rappers? No, I'm not talking "In Da Club"; I'm talking in someones basement on beat-up old furniture watching crappy movies and eating junk food. Think about it: I'm sure even the most hardcore of rappers have their chill days. Constant drinking, smoking, pimping, and crunked-out mayhem gets tiring, and I'll bet like every other decent American these homeboys lay back in the shack with their peeps and watch B-movies. I'm not sure how I got to thinking about this. I guess it came to me as I heard a Wu-Tang song playing during a french rap show I went to tonight (La Coste, from L.A., with Gemini and Femme Fatality. Fucking rocked). As I listened to the song, I just couldn't help but think "These guys are probably way cool just to chill out with". I saw Coffee And Cigarettes, and the scene with GZA, RZA and Bill Murray only goes to prove my point. So here's my list of rappers I'd like to chill out with, smoke a spliff, and watch shitty movies in a dank basement with:


· Wu-Tang Clan - You know they gotta have the best collection of kung-fu movies ever. I can totally imagine Ghostface and Method sitting back, talking martial art philosophy while watching The Mystery Of Chess Boxing or Iron Monkey II or something. I'm sure they get together and watch all these movies every weekend. The pot-drenched bullshit theories that arise from the Clan has got to be priceless.


· Snoop Dogg - This cat absolutely lays back and watches old blaksploitation pics all the time. He seems super laid-back and could totally just have a great conversation about Shaft or Sweet Sweetback's Badaaaaass Song and its merits in modern society... He's starred in most of the remakes of these movies anyway.


· Busta Rhymes - I'm sure Busta watches movies in the most boistrous way possible. I'd love to watch a classic comedy with him, like Animal House or Friday. I'll bet he laughs hysterically, with a big booming guffaw, coupled with rocking back and forth or rolling on the ground. Plus his videos are so fucking out there... He's gotta be a big movie fan. I can just tell.


· Missy Elliot - I'd like to watch some fucked up underground B-movie with Missy, like maybe Larry Cohen's God Told Me To or Bad Ronald or something. I'm sure she loves this stuff, also judging by her videos. We'd probably sit and revel in the beauty of The Re-Animator and then go to her studio and freestyle something about it. That'd be dopenotic, yo. That's my ultimate fantasy right there.


· Beastie Boys - Judging from their videos, their live act, their continuous references to movies in flows, their love for Lee Perry, and the fact that Adrock is dating Kathleen Hannah of Le Tigre, these guys would be near the top of the list of most fun to watch movies with. They're all 40ish now, too, so they can't really go out as much as they used to. They've probably got a great collection of DVDs and they probably enjoy banter during B-movies, MST3K style. Word.


· Kanye West - Couldn't tell you exactly why, other than that he seems like a cool guy to hang out with. I'd probably watch something kinda goofy with him, like Airplane! or UHF.


· Princess Superstar - She'd definitly be into all sorts of awesome movies and would absolutely appreciate each of them and be willing to share her interesting opinions with all those around. Plus she's fucking hot and she'd totally be doing something sexy while it's playing. Maybe I'd watch a porn with her, or something like 9 1/2 Weeks to get her in the mood. And then we'd get down and she'd write me into her next flow. Damn. That'd be hot.

But, of course, this concept would not be that much fun with all rappers. Certain rappers seem like they would totally have fun doing something very low-key like watching movies, but many others prefer to get crunked at any and all occasions and haven't seen a non-porn movie since Alladin. And so, with that in mind, here is my list of rappers with whom I would not like to watch movies with:


· Lil' Jon - This man could not sit still long enough to watch a movies, much less have a riveting post-film discussion. He'd go get crunked during the opening credits and then go abuse some hoes at a local eatery. It'd totally kill the moment.


· D-12 - I'm not sure why, but I just have the feeling they've got shitty taste in movies. Plus having all of them in the room would just get annoying, and Eminem would wind up humping my fish tank or something, and the whole event would wind up on the cover of People. It'd all get so complicated, and I just see them all being dicks through the whole thing. Have some respect, fellahs! Some of us are trying to watch!


· 50 Cent - Watching movies isn't gangta. Can't be seen not being gangsta. Even if we watched Scarface or something, he'd be a whiny little bitch and ask why we're not currently in da club. C'mon, Fiddy. Loosen up a little.

Yeah, and so forth. Now if I could somehow set up a time with these rappers that they're not busy on some Sunday afternoon, I could live my foolish dream. Word.

Pun About The Handicapped

I hate venetian blinds. It takes me literally about half-an-hour to pull them down, if I succeed at it at all. For some reason they're set up in such a way that unless the string is pulled at a specific angle, they will not come down at all. Or, in variation, simply to mock me they also tend to come down at a crawling speed, about 1 centimeter per pull. I tug at that god damn string for hours to try to get the shade down, and by then I'm too tired and worn out to remember why I gave a fuck in the first place. Every one else seems to be able to do this. I'll ask someone else to pull down the blinds for me, and in one fell swoop it'll come down like a heroin addict. That is definitly going to be me in hell: Me attempting to pull down a venetian blind in a tiny enclosed room that is overly lit with buzzing florescent lights and Kenny G playing softly on a loop in the background.

Now why is my hatred for venetian blinds a point of interest? It's not. Yet somehow this blog has seemed to turn into "Jack's place to go when he wants to bitch about stupid shit". This makes me come off as a very negative guy. I'm typically not a negative guy at all. These writings may just make it seem that way because I want to complain about things in an environment that will only annoy those who feel the need to read them.

I think my trouble with sleeping as of late has been due to the blinds. Rather than get pissed off at trying to pull them down and end up unable to fall asleep do to my extreme expenditure of energy, I'll just leave them up and try to sleep anyway. Then I get that thing where you lay in bed for hours with all the symptoms of sleeping without the actual sleep. That is the worst feeling ever. When you finally do fall asleep, it happens so subtly that you don't notice and it feels like you didn't sleep at all. Plus you waste so much time just sitting in bed, expecting to fall asleep at any moment. Typically it takes me two or three hours to actually fall asleep once I've gotten in bed and closed my eyes. Then I wake up unsatisfied and my back hurts. Arrgh.

I wish I had something to say that wasn't bitching so I could prove my point about how I don't actually bitch all the time. Maybe I do and I'm just lying to myself. Whatever.

I Hate The Way People Like Things

I know that makes me sound sick and evil, or like the devil or John Ashcroft, but hear me out. I don't hate the fact that people like things. I hate the way that they like them. For instance:


· "I like The Daily Show" translates to "It's, like, wow. Just, like, the way they do that show is just so good. It's, like, they totally, like, they compare things that were said earlier to things that people say recently, and, like, it's so easy, but it's so good... Like, Jon Stewart, like, presents it in such a way, that it's, like, they're comedians, yeah, but, like, they're like better journalists than... I mean, it's, like, those, um, journalism school... Like... You know?"


· "I like Chappelle's Show" translates to "I'M RICK JAMES, BITCH! I'M RICK JAMES, BITCH! Did you see the one where he said 'I'M RICK JAMES, BITCH!' Did you see that one? I was dying! I was literally dying! I'M RICK JAMES, BITCH! SO funny!!!"


· "I like Radiohead" translates to "Just, seriously, every time I listen to this, it's like a religious experience. I'm just in awe. Like, I can totally just feel the emotion when he sings this part... Do you feel that?"


· "I like Bob Marley" translates to "Man, every time I'm in a shitty mood, I just pop in 'No Woman, No Cry', and the bad stuff just, like, washes away... Like, if you saw him in concert, when he sings 'Everything's gonna be alright'... Gotta be in your top ten experiences ever. At least.


See what I mean? What gets me the most is that I like all of the subjects these people are talking about, but hearing them talk about them in this way makes me question whether I should like them or not. These are all actual things that people I've encountered have said, with as close to the actual wording as my memory and biased attitude towards life would allow.

I believe it's a pretty common feeling that people have: When people you don't like like the things that you like. It's an annoying feeling. You try to rationalize it to yourself by saying things like "Oh, I liked it before they did" or "Oh, they just like it because all the cool people do and they're trying to be like them" or "Oh, they like it for the wrong reasons". (All thoughts anyone has ever had, by the way, are prefaced with "Oh"). These are mostly irrational, of course, but you're simply trying to distance you as a person from them as a person because you don't like them. And of course by you I pretty much mean me. I don't know if this is as universal concept as I think it is, but many people I know have the same feelings.

But it really all comes down to how people say things in general. Many of the people who speak like the examples given are stuck in an attempt to try to make things sound way more important than they really are. Or they try to impress others with their knowledge on the subject and their overly deep take on it. But everybody does it to some extent. I myself suffer from "Hyperbolic Superfluism" (which in and of itself is an attempt to impress those reading... big words! Yeah!), in which I add the title "Greatest [insert medium here] In The World (and/or) Ever!!!!!!" to everything which I like even the tiniest bit. Usually I have to clarify afterwards to confused the confused audience that, no, I do not actually think this broken rubber band I found on the ground is the be-all, end-all greatest achievement of mankind for all eternity.

How do you express how you like something?

AAAAAAAGH!!!

Is this a new trend all of a sudden? I honestly thought this was written in a different language until I read all the way through... This is a meticulous, specific effort to have shitty writing! I mean, it's one thing to make typos and to accidentally bad grammer have, but it's another to go out of your way to make sure your spelling and grammer are incorrect and unintelligable!

I guess it serves me right for reading other people's blogs... I should stop doing that. They're ususally meant for the friends (spelled it right!) of the people who do them, and they all speak this gobbledy-gook language.

On top of that, come on. Crying in the rain? What is that about?

Eh, I've had enough of being annoyed by other people. Maybe I'll use positivity from now on.

"Good effort! Nothing says 'originality' like capital letters in the middle of the word!"

Phht.

Yeah, I Have A Walkman, So What, You Wanna Fight About It?

- "Is that a tape player?"

- "Yes."

-"Wow. That's primitive."

-"Thanks."

Is there something inherently wrong with listening to a tape player? I love's my Walkman, dammit! Why do people feel the need to ask me if it's a tape player simply to chastise me for its out-of-date-ness? Yes, I'm well aware that CD's and mp3 players and cell phones are what "now" people listen to music on, but primitive? Is that the word you want to use for something only two decades old? You don't see Fred Flinstone with a tape player, do ya? No, that's about as likely as Boy George driving a car with his feet! Well, that was a convoluted example, but what did you expect from me?

The word "Wow" got me too. Does seeing someone with something not currently the main mode of media deserve a "Wow"? At best, it deserves a non-verbal wow, like one of those eye-raise things that you do when you're gonna say something but don't. I could just as easily "Wow" your inability to write a coherent paragraph or discuss something relevant in class... Gah. Forget it.

I'm not talking to you, the reader, obviously. I'm speaking off-hand of something someone in my English class conversed with me on. Trust me, five years tape players will swing their way back into style. Remember turntables? Obviously you do: they're an instrument now. But back in the day, people were speaking of record players as on their way out, and now the young kids are buying more turntables then they are guitars. Just wait. My empty rage will be justified.

Mix CD's are so cold in comparison to mix tapes. Mix CD's involve plopping songs in an undefined order passionlessly onto a computer. Mix tapes got heart, man. Mix tapes got soul. Mix tapes got tape noise between every song. Mix tapes got a 20 second silence at the end of each side (unless you fucking rock at making them, which I do). A mix CD can be done with the heart of a mix tape, and have the same passion, but a tape is just so much more personal. Give a mix tape to a boy or girl you like. Give one to your little brother to get him into good music. Give one to your freinds for their cars. Spoil yourself and make one for you. That's what I've been up to lately: Making mix tapes galore for my Walkman to have in it. Check out the best mix tape site ever: http://www.artofthemix.org

And don't get me wrong. I listen to CD's all the time. But CD's and tapes are not mutually exclusive. We can all be freinds. If you see someone on the street with a Walkman, give them a hug, don't engage them in the conversation I had today. Someone will write nasty things about you in their Blog. And hugs are awesome.

Check out my tapes of late.

Keep rockin', and spread the love people. Like peanut butter.

My Personality, As Represented Through Shallow Observations And Product Placements

· Jack, you're an Amorous Adventurer

Carefree and fun, you are easily excited when it comes to new experiences — and that includes relationships. It's not that you see boyfriends as frivolous pursuits, but you enjoy the art of the chase, and you work to make sure that long-term relationships maintain that sense of adventure and surprise.

· Jack, you're fresh because you're a Kid-at-Heart

You've got a genuine curiosity that can turn even the simplest of outings into an adventure. And that's a good thing. Not every adult knows the secret that you do: You don't have to grow old just because you've grown up!

It's your ability to revel in the little joys in life that keeps you so in touch with your tots. And that shows in everything you do — especially where your kids are concerned. And that means that life is what you make of it — so why not make it fun! Your kids are sure to love that you can relate to them so easily, and appreciate the extra effort that you take to make life a barrel of laughs. Who knows what the day might bring? Sometimes they might roll their eyes at your antics, but for the most part, they're entertained — and inspired — by your silly self.


· Jack, you'd love a makeover that would make you a Wild Woman

We don't need to tell you that you've got an unpredictable side. Always experimenting with fads and fashion, you're not afraid to try bold, new looks that others might find a little, well, risky. You spend a lot of time and effort looking for adventure, so it's no wonder that you'd love a makeover that will highlight your spontaneous ways.

Taking fashion risks doesn't have to mean buying the most shocking piece in the store — it's just as easy to go for a funky haircut or try out fun, new colors and styles with makeup. So don't hesitate to experiment with your look. Who knows what awesome and attention-grabbing styles you'll find. Rock on!


· Jack, your beauty aura is Natural!

When it comes to how you present yourself to the world, you strongly believe that keeping things simple — whether it's your relationships, career, or face soap — is the best way to be beautiful. You're satisfied with what nature gave you and aren't afraid to show your confident, unadorned self to the world.

Your beauty routine is all about maintenance. You keep your skin clean, your body moisturized, and add a splash of color to lips and eyes when the situation demands it. Other than that? You feel best looking as fresh as nature intended. In the course of being au naturelle you may sometimes forget to cut loose and have fun. You should feel free to dress up now and then or splurge on a scent. Spoil yourself, now and then, as nature intended.


· Jack, your music match is a Cool Indie Songster

Have you got the remedy? It seems like you do. And like your music match, Jason Mraz, you've got a calm and collected way about you that usually makes people think of you as mature. It doesn't hurt that you're also a smarty.

Following along to someone else's song and dance? Not you. You're no copycat. You bring your own unique style to whatever you do whether it's your look, hobbies, interests, or outlook on life. Wherever you go, you prove that being yourself is the hottest thing around. And that's sure to be a hit with any crowd.

- So there you have it. The internet told me who I am, and boy am I glad, because I can't recognize anything about myself. I need an autonomous corporate being to tell me.

By the way, Jason Mraz sucks and I completely deplore the connection between us. The only thing we have in common is that we're both sexy sons of bitches who have to knock the ladies back with a stick. That is all.

(Maybe next time, I shouldn't do a personality test sponsored by Garnier products and Celine Dion... Oh well, live and learn.)

"Pussy's Ain't Supposed To Speak!"

I've been thinking about Plato's forms lately. The idea that every thing that we see in our lives is an imperfect representation of some ideal thing and that somewhere in the universe there exists the perfect thing got me thinkin': What would the perfect table be like? Think about it: Tables serve their purpose well enough in their imperfect phase. You put stuff on it. Sometimes you eat off of it. That's it. The perfect table would likely not have a single scratch or dent or loose leg. It wouldn't get stained if something spilled on it. Most of the tables I deal with day to day are quite messy because I'm lazy and set shit on it. The perfect table would never be messy. Or would it? The table itself is not involved with the stuff that's on it. In a perfect WORLD, the table would never be messy, however it is simply the table itself that is messy. Would you even notice if it was a perfect table? I don't think about tables as much as this blog might make it seem, so I may be typing on the perfect table right now and not even realize it. This particular table has some scratches and dents and minor little ticks and what-not, so this couldn't be it, but that's beside the point. If the perfect table were here on Earth somewhere, we probably wouldn't even know it. People ignore tables for the most part. The perfect table wouldn't be particularly impressive. No one would stop and realize "That table is perfect!", unless you're one of those yuppies that shops at Pier 1. The human mind could probably not comprehend the perfect table. Perfection is something we cannot understand because everything we come into contact with is imperfect. Plus, who wants the perfect table? Imperfect tables serve their purpose; having a perfect table would just be like having fine china that you never want to use. Or maybe since I can't comprehend the perfect table, if I were to experience it in all its glory, I would be in awe and finally realize what it means to be a table and the table-oriented part of my life would be complete.

In closing, sit with this question: Can you define "table"?

I'm Feeling Like A Four, How About You?

God damn. Look at me, I'm posting again. Again! What is wrong with me? This is just my place to dump random thought when I get bored, but according to my volume of posts I get bored way more often than I should. God damn. I've been looking at other people's blogs lately. They are most often political statements or poorly written poetry or junior high students (or at least judging from their typing abilities) writing about how much they miss their ex-signifcant other or hate their parents. And many of them are simply the bored, saying that everyone else is writing in a blog, so they must too. I hate this concept, but of course I fall into this category. I'm bored, and I really only got the idea for this blog from Joey Midwaye the Roostah, MC extrordinaire of the legendary Grasshoppaz crew. And here I am. Engaging in petty bitching much like that which I hate to read in other's blogs. I like to think that read other people's blogs to either find some cool one's (good luck) or to find shitty people and fuck with them on their comments sheets. But I'm sure a lot of it comes from a desperate want to have people read this. God damn. So as my roommate and his girlfreind get drunk and get burritos, I sit here and type fucking words into a god damned internet journal, a concept so trite it makes me whip out the word "trite". I hate doing this. I feel so much like all the people who write in these things, those friggin' morally superior bitch-tards with nothing of any importance to say but the pretensions to think that people are going to read it... God damn. I gotta get up at 7:30. Whatever. It'll give me an excuse to go to sleep earlier and stop writing this stupid journal. Stupid journal. Grr. Maybe I think about this shit too much. Who cares if I engage in something that some people I dislike engage in? I do a lot of that, come to think of it. COme to think of it, why dislike these people on the basis of these things if I do them myself? I drink, I smoke, I write dumb-ass internet journals, I check my e-mail far more times a day than I should, I wear mainstream rock t-shirts and talk about bands I've never actually heard to make other people think that I'm hip to the scene... I hate people for doing these things, but I do them a lot. Almost everything I do I try to preface with "I'm not really into this" or "I'm not the kind of person who does this usually" or do something in some vain attempt to set myself apart from the others who do it... But why? Why bother? It's simply pretentious to think of myself doing something as better than when others do that same thing. And being pretentious is another thing on that list. I hate pretentious people, but I am often pretentious. God damn. I think it's even a little pretentious to think of others as pretentious, because merely by saying another is pretentious is to say you are better than them, thus an air of pretention is attached to you. And I do this all the time. Maybe I think to god damn much. God damn. I'm too fucking hyper-aware. I should just shut up about all this crap.

The problem is that people are not defined by specific actions or specific things they engage in. Many people, myself included, tend to judge people based solely on one thing or another. "Oh he drinks?" "Oh, she likes that band?" "Oh, he said this to this person?" But then again, specifics of a persons life often are a sign of who they are as a person. Those who say "fag" off the cuff now and then tend to harbor homophobic feelings, whether or not they even realize it. Those who drink can be incredibly obnoxious, both while sober and under the influence. And everyone who likes The Starting Line sucks ass. So maybe it's not right to judge someone too harshly for specific actions, but take them into account along with other things they do? Of course this assumes that every individual must be judged, and I don't think that's true. It's not a responsibility to judge others... God damn. Here I go again, with my "Statement, Counterstatement, Tangent, New Statement, New Tangent, Insult Of Band I Dislike, Counterstatement, Tangent, Attempt At Clever Wordplay" mode of writing. Granted this is keeping my boredom at bay. Listening to Herbie Hancock and chillin' in my room writing bullshit is a way to keep boredom away. But I still sound like a fucking dumbass writing all this, peppered with the occasional needless profane statement. God damn.

I will say this, though: My online bitching is far more wordy and thought-out than the online bitching of others. I haven't even mentioned a girlfreind and/or presidential candidate yet.

I'm glad I don't have an audience because they would all be alienated at this point.

Starting Line suck.

If I Give This A Title, It'll Seem Like I Have Something To Say

...Yeah, but I don't.

If you like both listening to music that you've downloaded from the internet and paying money (yes, I'm talking to all two of you!), check out my humble underdeveloped artist site: http://www.mperia.com/artists/the_big_j Yes, I make music. How about that, huh?

And of course, http://radio.depaul.edu Thursdays from 2-4 pm.

Wow, I'm like an ad. Or a mormon.

I really don't have anything to say other than that. Why did I even bother to type anything? Out of sheer boredom. That's why I started this freakin' thing in the first place, isn't it? I needn't always have something to say, needn't I? Wait, to go along with my mission statement of trying to get on the front page, I oughta say something of marginal importance and interest...

Gee, our current administration is doing some things I disagree with, aren't they?

Now here's a link to another site.

There. I am officially of interest.

Tables Are Awesome When One Wants To Put Shit On Other Shit

I experienced the best metaphor for modern punk at the Dillinger Four concert on Monday: I walked up to the Logan Square Auditorium to find a group of teens in their Ramones T-Shirts they bought at Hot Topic and their buttons with snappy, unoriginal sayings on them and their meticulously messy hair in various standard colors. Typical concert stuff, you know. I had never been to Logan Square before, so I didn't know how the place worked. Were doors open yet? I wasn't sure; everyone was standing outside. I look around for a while, and decide to go up the stairs to the doors to see what was going on. I get to the top and doors are open and tickets are being sold. I turn around, and the entire group of kids standing outside are suddenly in line behind me. Damn. These people are practically experts at following.

And in response to the ever popular "Punk's Not Dead" buttons and stuff people like to wear: When you see a large-breasted bleach-blond teenager wearing oversized gold sunglasses, ass-hugging pants, and a pink low-cut mass-produced t-shirt with the words "punk metal rock" written in stamp form walking down the aisles of the mall with an Abercrombie bag, then yes. Punk is dead, my freinds. (And yes, I have actually seen this exact person.) Punk was originally a movement, an attitude, a general "fuck-you" to established forms of mainstream culture. Now it has been adopted into that culture and is nothing more than a fashion. If a hairdresser sets to make a hairstyle "more punky", or a teenager buys a $25 t-shirt at the mall with a slogan thought up by a stuffy old white prick middle-manager, it is a representation that punk no longer has the same pull. It has been co-opted by corporations and now is a practice in conformity. At this very small punk show I went to back in Minnesota (No Compliance at Indi's Cafe) my freinds and I were chastised by the "true punks" for not calling our moshing "slam dancing". Wow. You know the terminology, good sir. Congragulations. Glad to see that subscription to Spin Magazine is paying off. Our group were the only people not dressed to the nines in studded jackets and perfectly quaffed tri-hawks. I was wearing my Johnny Rotten- inspired orange womens jacket I got at a garage sale for a dollar. It may not be "punk fashion", but I seem to remember a time when there was no such thing as punk fashion, when the concept was do-it-yourself wardrobes and unique outfits.

Aagh, I tend to go on tirades too often. That's kinda what I'm using this blog for: to rant into the air without having to actively bother anyone. Tables do rock though.

A Series Of Noises Was Aimed Towards Me

I went to go see the band Explosions In The Sky last night at the Logan Square Auditorium. They were good. I liked them. However, the opening band sucked. There were two, and the first wasn't so bad, but the second was just awful. And I'm not just talking regular style suck. They full on SUCKED.

Here's how it went: After the band The Motion played, up came Autumn. I figured they only play in the fall, because I think I'm clever and tend to think things like that to myself. They took about half an hour to set up all their instruments, which included a harp, an organ, an acoustic guitar and a xylophonic synthesizer. I figured they might be marginally interesting if they had such interesting instrumentation. How wrong I was. They sounded like Peter, Paul and Mary meets... well, Peter, Paul and Mary. Few people could tell when they began to play because they had all been waiting so long for them to get ready, and then they started playing really quiet shit. Then came in like a lamb and left like a lamb. If they called themselves Autumn because they were the awkward transition between two things of more substance, it made sense. There were no drums, and all the instruments were "very quiet", so the audiences attention often turned to the floor or the bar at the back of the room. They sounded like, as Beavis and Butthead so profoundly put it, the kind of music that "sucks at the beginning, but, you know, might rock later on". They stayed with the non-rocking formula throughout and the set became an endurance trial. At the end of their set, they had the gall to shush the audience, stating that "this next song is very important and we're not going to play it until everyone is quiet". I felt like I was back in kindergarten. It was a terrible way to lead into Explosions, because many audience members unfamiliar with their music would immedietly assume that they were in a similar vein as Autumn. They statr out real chill and quiet, which could easily be confused for sucking after hearing the previous band.

However, luckily, this was not the case. Explosions ruled. Their style of music (instrumental post-rock, sprawling ambience and hard waltz: think Godspeed You! Black Emperor) is hard to translate to concert, as I usually let the CD put me to sleep or use as background or score the times when I go out walking at night, but they pulled it off very well. Their stage presence was phenominal. The regained all the audiences attention and were privy to one of the most resounding sessions of applause I'd ever been witness to. There were several moments during the build up portion of songs that the three guitarists would whip their guitars up and down as they jumped in unison while the drummer abused his kit with manic precision in the background: It was inspiring. They managed to pull off the same affect they get on CD, as they flowed each song into one another, as though it were one giant masterpiece. Crowd dynamics don't work particularly well with their type of music: often I and others felt the hypnotic sleepiness one typically does with the chill attitude of the music. Moments of decisive silence were interrupted by crowd cheering. And standing in one place for three hours is not all that much fun. It would have been really cool to see them in a very low-key, intimate atmosphere... with beanbag chairs. Yeah. That would've been awesome.

Yeah.

Awesome.

All in all, good friday night. There are tons of concert opportunities here in Chicago. I've been to two this week, and am going to another tonight (granted, just the schools music program, but its music, innit? INNIT?) So far, I have attended the following:

The Black Keys
The Gossip with Pretty Girls Make Graves
Tortoise
Dillinger Four with The Briefs and None More Black
Explosions In The Sky

and will attend:

Antibalas
Mouse on Mars
Le Tigre with The Gossip
Eyedea and Abilites with Los Nativos, Illogic and P.O.S.

Damn, son!

Yep

My intentions are simple: I hope to one day be one of those blogs of notice on the front page. Why? I don't know. It'll never happen: only movie stars and writers get up there. Movie stars get everything. I think once it's time for the little guy to be prominently aggrandized on the front page. And thats me. Nobody reads this. Not even my freinds. Not even me. How more little can you get? You can't. That's as "little guy" as they come. My only real plan to achieve this is to continue to write nominally interesting things and hope one day someone takes notice. Ha. I'll get carpal tunnel before anyone notices this humble blog. But I shall strive forward like the prophets of yore. You know them.

I'm having a little trouble typing right now. I wish I could come up with some interesting excuse as to why. Oh yeah, uh, walrus blowjob. Very distracting. Yep.

To attract attention, I'm sure I need something really interesting on this site, beyond my stupid writings done out of boredom. Maybe pictures of silly cats. They're so silly. Or I could write poems. Because I have the right to write poetry simply by being on the internet. Or I could post some derogetory things about Republicans. Or I could post song lyrics to other peoples songs. Or I could bring up interesting news stories that you've probably already heard somewhere else.

Nah.

Please send me e-mails or write comments to help put me under the belief that this site will one day be prominantly displayed on the front page. And because I'm lonely. Oh so lonely.

Neil Young Doesn't Fuck Around

Ok, I know I just posted some bullshit already today, but I was browsing other people's blogs (saying that word makes me feel dirty... I don't know why, exactly) and I just have to mention this: Why do people fucking put songs in the background of their sites? It interrupts the music I'm already listening to, dammit!

Yeah, that's all.

I Promise Many Lengthy Synonomic Rewordings

I noticed on the Blog profile that it not only mentions how many posts one has, but also how many individual words one posts. In my unending quest to be one of those Blogs that people other than myself read, I plan to write lots and lots and lots and lots (and lots) of words to be noticed on the internets for my grandiose achievement.

But so many people have been writing for longer than I have... I'll need to write an insane amount to even compete with those writers and journalists and people pissed off at the government and junior high school students whose parents "totally suck balls... GOD!", but, lo, I am but a humble individual with illusions of sub-grandeur whose amalgam of words are but lowly examples of insipid diatribes rought with frivolity and meaninglessness as will typically be sought after in moments of st...

I can't do it. Why bother? Having lots of words isn't an accomplishment. In many ways, it is an anti-accomplishment.

Synonomic isn't a word. Damn. It oughta be.

Hey, and for those with nothing better to do, which if you're reading this I know pertains to you, check me out on that there internet radio: http://radio.depaul.edu from 2-4 pm. I'll spin tunes like a madman. Every Thursday at 2 I do this. Bookmark it so I can feel comfortable in your favorites nestled beside "Barely Legal Vampyre Bitches Gone Wild... In The Butt!!!!!" and "taht funny video my buddy sent me taht i should feel ashamed for finding funny".

Be good to your brothers and sisters.

Completely 100% Original Thoughts - For Serious

° The music of today is not as good as the music from before.


° Fun size candy bars aren't really more fun at all - They're smaller! What's up with that?


° Godfather Part III was the least good of the Godfather series of movies.


° Women have breasts that I find attractive.


° Pop-ups on the internet are quite annoying. Oh, and spam too.


° I think there are some things going on that are not really all that good for the environment. Also, some cars get less mileage than others.


That's all the originality I can muster for now. I might come up with more, maybe.

English Paper

The following is a list of words. Please judge this list of words as better than any preceding or future lists of words. Also, I read a book. Some words are big. Some words are small, but there are a lot of them. Some words will be like other words, but they will look different. This arrangement will be a good arrangement of words: some people thought some of the list should go in different places, so i did that and the list became better. Also, I read a book.